Caged Freedom

6. Daunted

A throb, a tear, a load inside
Clouds so heavy, ever drowning me,
The light once there now emptied in mind
Gosh! I wonder how I survive a second,
How hard it is to be me.

Overwhelmed with everything,
Laughter, hate, love, anxiety
I am very drowned in these,
And I am drowned still.
So clawed up deep and gagged
This comes close not to show how I feel.

My eyes are open yet I can't see
I'm sorrowed and sad
But my eyes are tearless.
My heart is heavy like a coin at sea
Giving myself a push, a pat on the back
To be brave and to be fearless.

I feel as though I can't breathe,
Thought after thought the more I can't bare
I thought I was tough but it wasn't enough;
Told myself nothing can hurt- & any I'll wisthstand
Now look at me as frightened from wolves' snare.

A rush of frustration down my spine
Taking to damnation beliefs of my shrine
The codes of life that I thought were mine
Those that could be real are dropped and died.

My life is plundered and all colours shaded
My hope is gone, so far as ended
Now I am hollow and very vacuumed.
What was ever so high now down-graded
What was ever so right became then tainted
There is nothing in existence to bring me back illumed.