Ayaana👑🥀

Letting Go

Assalamu Alaykum!!!

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Ayaana's POV*****

It's been ten years ago, ten years of yearn, ten years of grieve, ten years of relieving just our memories!

It's been 10 years ago since I saw him last. It was a beautiful day as I had woken up minutes past 8. It was a Friday. Fridays are for extracurricular activities in my school. So we're expected to go to school by 9 am.

Since we slept late the day before I woke up a little bit late that day.

Just as I was sipping the warm cucumber juice Ummah never fails to keep on my bedside drawer, I heard a noise, a scream actually.

Ummah.....

Then another scream

Then another...

Scurrying to locate my Hijab, I found a pink one and just put it on.

I made my way to their room as fast as I can.

The door was open..

Okayy...

As i made my way further in, the sight I was met with broke my heart into thousands of pieces that up until today most pieces are still missing.

My uncle, my father's brother, my daddy, punching the wall as hard as he can. I quickly averted my face as I felt the pain he must be feeling resonate through me.

Then my gaze fell on Abba. He's still sleeping.

Then Ummah! On the floor, wailing as her whole body shook.

Ummah cries? I mean I've never seen her.

"He's gone. He left. He deserted me." She kept repeating

What's Ummah saying...

Who left?

"Ummah, what happened? Why are you crying? Abba is sleeping but you're disturbing him..."

"He is gone" she repeated again but not to me

"Your Abba is gone. He left us. ..." To me

"Ummah,...what are you saying? He's sleeping and you're saying he's gone. He's right here. See..."

"Baby, let's get you out of here...okayyy?..." Daddy said

My father's brother... He once told me that he yearns for someone to call him that. Ever since then, I call him that..

"No, daddy. What's Ummah saying? Let me wake him up. Let me wake Abba up..."

"No, no you can't go close to him. He's sleeping right? And he wouldn't want to be disturbed. Let's go..."

No

No

"No " I deadpanned

"I have to wake him up"

"No, I said. Let him sleep."

Ummah then spoke with a cracked voice indicating grieve, loss and denial all together

"Your Abba is dead. Allah has called him back to him. He gave and took! He's gone. Pray for him. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone" and with that Ummah started crying, as hard as she's ever cried.

I was unable to process everything she said at that time.

As a 12year old, I knew about death. We'd been taught in Islamiyya, death is real. People would die at their stated time. We all would even die.