Drawtectives dribbles

Bad memories

Jancy True had been dating Joe for three months now and were planning to move in together which was why Jancy had decided it was time to tell Joe about her history with her identity.

The two sat down at the dining table in Joe's apartment where Jancy would move in too if this conversation went the right way.

"So, what did you want to tell me?", Joe asked curiously while sitting down. "I am trans, Joe", Jancy confessed seriously, "I was born with a male body, but transitioned in my teen years. I wanted you to know, now that this is getting serious and I hope nothing changes or that it could change for the better"

Joe looked a bit confused at first, after that Jancy couldn't decipher her look and just as Joe was about to say something Jancys work-phone rang.

"Sorry, I got to get this", Jancy apologized and frantically stepped away from the table. "It's a coded message that might be about an assassination this evening, they want a second opinion to be sure", she explained and rushed out.

At work Jancy did solve the code and came to the same realisation as the A-team, but she was much slower and more stressed than usual. Any little mistake she made, made her breathing go faster, her hands shakier and her more nervous.

It was when a colleague came up to Jancy after the whole process and asked her if she was okay that she broke down completely.

Tears were running down her face, her body got warmer, she started hyperventilating and staring of into nothingness. Jancy true was having a panic attack. It wasn't her first one nor her worst one, but having a panic attack was always bad, especially in public.

Her colleges did what they thought was the most logical action in this situation and called Joe who promptly arrived at the scene.

She kneeled down besides her girlfriend and with a soft voice asked, "Do you want me to hug you or to stay like this? Hold your hand up if you want me to hug you, okay?" Jancy did hold her hand up and was promptly engulfed in Joes strong arms.

"Hey, look at me!", Joe told Jancy who followed her request. "Good", Joe said, "Now breath with me, okay? Four seconds in, hold seven and breath out eight, you got this!" Jancy nodded and breathed with Joe, her arms around her and the breathing technique was slowly calming her down.

Once Joe notice that Jancy wasn't shaking anymore, she carfully asked, "Is this because of this morning?" Jancy nodded. "And work stress", she told Joe, "but mostly because of this morning" She sighed.

"Jancy, my love, it's okay. I love you, no matter what", Joe explained, "it doesn't matter to me who you were when you were younger, all I know is that I love the Jancy I know now. The Jancy who is always there for me, who loves to stay in bed cuddling, but has to get up early to do her job which is really important to her, but never more important than her loved ones and the Jancy who was the first person I truly loved with all of my heart"

Jancy started crying again, this time they were tears of joy though. Through these tears Jancy was smiling brightly. "Thank you, Joe", she said.

"For what?", Joe asked confused, "Being a decent person? For loving you? You don't have to thank me for that, it's common sense" She laughed brightly, Jancy laughed with her, but not with as much joy as she had smiled moments before.

"People were cruel to you, weren't they?", Joe asked softly with the most empathy Jancy had ever heard. Not pitty, Joe was much kinder than that she was genuinely feeling bad for Jancy who nodded and told Joe about her experiences

"When I was younger, I was bullied for being trans and for liking women. They used to sit on me, pull on my freshly grown hair and call me slurs mixed with insults. When I was older, it was hard to find and keep a job, because my ID still said male, but I looked like this. When I could finally change my ID that was solved, but I still had problems. The only women I ever liked which weren't many left me as soon as I told them, one even told my address to her transphobic friends and suddenly I was back to being knocked on the floor, attacked and insulted. It was horrible", she confessed crying. Joe took her hand and squeezed it tight for a couple seconds, it was meant to show Jancy that she was here for her and it seemed to work.

"Because of those traumas and work stress, I freaked out and I'm sorry for that", Jancy told Joe, "But it was because I love you. I love you so very much"

Joe pulled Jancy closer to herself, wrapped her arms around her neck and connected their foreheads. "No need to be sorry, my love", she whispered before leaning in and softly kissing Jancy.

"I love you too, Darling", she said after they broke apart. That's when Jancy realised the look she couldn't decipher earlier was Joe falling in love with her once again, it made her smile. This was amazing.

The two went home holding hands and spent the night cuddled up on the couch watching Pixar movies. After that day Jancy went to her therapist more frequently again and even though Joe still calmed her down from panic attacks sometimes, she was getter better and everything was okay.

And for Jancy and Joe okay was perfect.