chapter 18 | despair

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I'm not ready for handholding
It's not love I swear,
It might be closer to despair

Darryl POV (btw I made a change and Mason now shares a room with Darryl, Charlie has his own.)
No I can't like him.. We're both boys, I need a girlfriend not a boyfriend, well when I'm the ready age of course.

I lay in my bed at 1am in the morning, my sheets pulled away the up to my shoulders while I could hear small snores coming out of Masons mouth. Lucy was underneath my sheets too, but just under my toes. I told my parents about Lucy.. they don't care but we just have to take proper care of her. Other than Lucy I have something to worry about, Zak, and my weird uncontested love for him — well should I call it love? a stupid phase? despair?

I don't want to like him but it feels like- I don't have control in my crushes, I've only had two in my life (excluding Zak) My cousins friend Leah, and Leah's sister Jade. But I prefer not to talk about them.

I want him to always just be next to me, cuddle me and tell me it's okay but also at the same time I don't want him to come near me at all. This love thing just doesn't seem right to me, my head feels like it explodes whenever I stress about this — this isn't normal for me.

Yesterday I accidentally moved my hand, making my hand meet with Zak's, I immediately moved my hand back. When I looked at him he just smiled at me.

No I'm not falling in love with him.

Not Zak.

~~~

I felt a heavy but light weight on my chest. It was Lucy, she was curled up into a ball and sleeping. "Lucy.. wake up." I nudge her; do dogs really understand our language?

She wakes up at crawls off my chest, just for her to go back to sleep on my pillow cover. I smile and step out of my bed; My brother is still asleep and the house is quiet, no sound to be heard, just the sound of snoring and birds chirping outside. I yawn and stretch my arms right up in the air, it's cold.

As I finish yawning I feel someone call my phone, perfect timing; I grab my phone and put the speaker up to my ear. "Hello?" I say, my voice is deep and tired since I just woke up. "Wanna meet up today? I'm bored." A familiar voice asks, it's Zak. "I don't know.. my parents are back." I rub my forehead. "I'll pick you up, I miss you." He replies, I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, it's telling me that he's flirting.. or maybe he's just really clingy. "Zak, don't." I sigh. "I'm on my way, see ya!" He exclaims, he hangs up the call before I could say something.

How am I gonna tell him my parents already know who he looks like?

~~~

"Hey can I pick up Darryl Novescosc-"

"No." My father cuts him off in a stern voice. "Please don't talk to him." He continues, he then shuts the door right in front of Zak's face.

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