To Be Made Whole (A Christian Romance) (On Hold)

Chapter 11: Bad Timing

The walk to class was a boring one.

The sky had been thoroughly bombarded by thick and dark clouds. The birds must have gone away to seek shelter because they could not be heard singing their songs nor calling to another. Even the wind had become chillier, icy even. It didn't feel like it was nearing summer. It was as if the season of summer had been skipped altogether and had jumped to fall instead.

I dressed for the weather, although it wasn't from my wise planning skills. On the contrary. I had been sad and feeling rather reckless in my apparel, so I wore things that would be too warm for a sunny day. I had on a long sleeve oversized black jacket that I draped over an oversized T-Shirt dress that went past my knees. I paired them with sneakers that didn't match much either. I only cared to grab what was nearby, but I also dressed to be hidden. The bigger the clothes, the smaller I felt. I could hide in this.

Yet the weather would not permit me to overheat, or more so, God would not permit it.

I felt that God may have been disappointed with me. Even if slightly. I allowed my jealousy to make me feel more feel bitter after Rafael's departure. It was a sick feeling.

He tried to call me and he sent many texts too, but I had refused to answer him. I didn't read his texts either. He had even showed up the next day and the day after that. Yet those times, he came alone. Sarah wasn't in sight. Although that brought temporary ease, I wanted to know where she was. And that was a problem of my own.

I hadn't felt this uncomfortable and even possibly obsessive since Nathan.

It took years to stop hating that man. After my sister passed, I never wanted to see his face again. Yet over time, the hatred had turned inward and it's only been by God's grace that I've been able to stop feeling that hatred towards myself. The journey of fully loving myself seems daunting and long, but I know that it may not be and that it's completely possible.

I pulled my jacket closer to me as I neared the large campus. Less students than normal could be seen socializing outside. The weather must have motivated most of them to go inside to enjoy the warmth of the insulated campus walls.

"Anna!" A voice yelled over to me.

I turned my head slightly to catch the sight of a man with light brown hair running towards me. I raised a brow in confusion. I didn't know who this person could be. Once he grew closer though, I recognized him.

"Ben, hi." I smiled. It was a forced smile, but I didn't want to treat him poorly just because of who he was once friends with.

"Hi," he smiled. He looked so similar to Jessica, but this made sense. They were siblings after all.

He stood before me, silently. His gaze hadn't move from me and I began to feel like a specimen under a microscope.

"I really have to go..." I said awkwardly while pointing behind me. It appeared to snap him out of whatever trance he was in. His green eyes that were temporarily dazed, refocused.

"I'm sorry. It's been awhile. Jessica told me that you guys got to hang out the other day." He said happily.

"Yes, we did." I smiled. "It was nice. We spoke about a lot about girl things y'know? We also spoke about that night." I responded honestly. There was no use in beating around the bush. He was likely to bring it up and I had to be in class within the next fifteen minutes.

"Yes, about that... I'm sorry Anna. For your loss and for not seeing it sooner. If I knew, I would have told you guys." His eyes held sympathy for me and I shook my head.

"It's not your fault." I reassured. My smile was small and filled with sorrow, but it was a long time ago and I had to move forward.

"I'm also sorry about your grandmother. I used to go to her church, but lately I've been busy with the family business." He scratched back of his head with a sheepish expression.