Craving Them (Book 2 in the 'Need Series')

Chapter 1

"Yo Aron! When you gonna give me that good good again! You know I've missed that warm mouth!" A man screams in the large noisy cafeteria. It was like a battlefield every time I had to step foot into the huge room. I was in Gen Pop so the cafeteria with all the tables are in the middle while the cells surround it.

The man who was addressing me was absolutely disgusting. It was also a man that I have unfortunately given a blowjob too. His name was Craig. He's been here since before the first time I had been locked up. For a crime he refuses to tell anyone.

At the time he was easy. He had been extremely willing and had resembled my uncle in the way he carried himself. The only difference being that he's African American and never takes a shower. I really do have a lot of regret in my life.

When I had first been brought back here after my sentencing almost a year ago I knew I would have problems. I was by definition a whore and had truthfully sucked half the guys that were in Gen Pop back then. However this time I am proud to say I haven't touched a single man in this building.

My sentence ends in two days and I can't even express how absolutely excited I was. The court went in my favor and I hadn't been charged with murder after the tapes had been released. It was a very difficult case for me, and the guys. They had come to my hearing and had watched each and every tape that had played. They knew exactly the extent to which that man ruined me. I was only charged because of the excessiveness of it. I was charged with Overkill and only got 1 year. With another year of probation when I finally get out. As well as 150 hours of anger management. I was also recommended to attend counseling while incarcerated. Which I did just in hopes that I could get out on good behavior. Something that I hadn't been lucky enough to receive.

I didn't need to be though because I knew where all my luck was. The guys have been absolutely amazing throughout this past year. Everyday one of them visits me. I was only permitted one a day, so they take turns.

After that day Dean had come to talk everything went back to normal. None of us mentioned what happened. None of talked about our relationship either. All we ever have to know is how much we need each other.

Mattie had came the day after while I was still at the county jail and had just cried saying how much he missed me. I had felt absolutely terrible. Like I was the scum of the earth for making such a sweet man so upset. He didn't mention anything about what happened. I can only assume that Dean had talked to them because when Cedric showed up the next day it was the same.

He hadn't cried and looked a lot healthier. Cleaned up and dressed as stylishly as usual. He had simply asked me about the jail. Only asking about if i hadn't cheated on him once. His attitude about the matter had seemed nonchalant but I could see past the facade. He had been absolutely tearing himself apart thinking that I will cheat on him. Which made me want to end my life all over again.

Though I didn't. I have not done a single thing. As long as one of them showed up everyday I was okay. I didn't get scared. They have truly become my remedy. As long as they're in my life I can be cured. I can feel like I'm not a whore.

I do still get anxiety attacks as well as panic attacks. Which I feel compelled to try and fix with a blow job. Like one day a few months ago. Dean was incredibly late. Only making it in an hour before visiting hours were up and I about lost my shit. I thought I sincerely was going to have a heart attack or was going to cheat. Thankfully I held out until he did arrive though.

I was so happy to have them in my life and I was even more so excited to get out of here. Everyday I think about what Dean said. That there are things about them and their relationship that I don't know. I want to though. Desperately. I still feel like I don't deserve them but I've come up with a way to drown out my anxiety.

I simply recite everything I know about the guys. Dean killed his dad with so much rage that he got anger management. Something I have as well. Cedric hates his mother and a pyromaniac, something I need to learn more about. So I can be helpful and not more of an annoyance. Mattie has tried to commit suicide and has OCD. They aren't that different then me. We're all broken. Reminding myself of this helps me think that I deserve them. Just as much as they deserve me. We all just need each other.

They mean so much to me, even a year later. I fell for them quickly and jumped into a relationship with them before I was emotionally ready. This time will be better, and I'll be the one to bear my soul. I'll be the one to offer my heart hoping they accept. I am absolutely ready to call them mine.

That's another thing we haven't discussed. Our relationship. We don't really need too. We know what we need from each other but I want to properly ask them to be with me. To accept the me that will never let them go. The me that will love them like they should.

Two days and my life will change for the better. I will no longer let my anxiety, the little voice in my head, dictate how I love my life. I will be stronger. I just can't wait to hold them again. To experience them again without a glass separating us. To treat them better this time.

(A/n: a bit shorter than I wanted but I literally spent all day at the DMV wanting to throw myself off a bridge. Literally anyone who knows how bad it is can understand😭 but I am sorry!! But I will give you a little teaser!!

Next chapter he gets out!!!!!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!Thank you for reading!!!(and being so patient!!) Love you all xxx💙💙💙