Amaya Beach

Chapter 1. The Naked Man And The Loop Of Pain (volume 2)

He was almost free that night. The door was open and he was gonna get the prize, it was about time. But "La Dama", his mother, was not ready to lose her gold so easily and she talked that night. She talked a lot.

-Alexandre, my french lover, always wanted a girl and after three seasons of pain and puke, I got you. I tried to cut your mutation, but it wasn't possible, I wasn't so brave back then. Since that day I dressed you as a girl, with the dresses that he bought for you- Cristian always knew his mother was a monster, but for some sick reason, she was still able to surprise him. I think that, maybe, he was still thinking that within her horrendous presence, she was still able to feel love.

-What happened after his death?- Cristian asked.

-Well, I just, found out that it was good business to keep you in short skirts. And since his heritage was a pile of french debts to a cuban widow and you, what can I say? you were his daughter, well, son.- His father didn't let him money as he was told, just debts to pay, and those debts were not just in money, the more expensive ones, were in feeling terms. That night his body got freed, but his soul was imprisoned in the darkest darkness. He ran, he left his clothes behind and tried to also leave his past behind, but it was too soon and he was too weak. He tried to run from pain and found me, more pain.

We were face to face and I knew that my lust wasn't mutual, never was. His black straight hair was over his eyes, I putted it back and saw his eyes red and wet, reflecting the bright light from the coca cola glass bottle improvised lamp next to my bed and showing me how much he had cried. Remains of lipstick and mascara smearing his innocence. He looked into my eyes -Who is that?- He asked me, referring to my brother laying on his bed, a few inches from mine.

-He is at his own world, we are alone.- I replied. He came close and kissed me on the lips, wildly as he always did. I felt nervosity inside his wilderness and I knew it was bad to take advantage of someone in pain, but I was as confused as Cristian was that night and he was decided to fuck my ass, which had the potential to make me feel better. I felt his body. I discovered that that totally hairless body was shaved. He was not only crying all the time, he was a crying bear, a mad bear and as wild as the lands of Cuba. He felt my body, but didn't seem to really enjoy it. He fucked me hard that night on that disgustingly greasy thin mattress; but instead of taking some of my pain out, he injected part of his, to me.

Most of the times he cries with no laments or tears. His pain used to make him nervous, anxious and talk a lot about the same, he didn't deserve what he had been through and he didn't ask to be born; it was his point, but never said nothing clearly at that point. His sight was most of the times far away. I used to look at his soul through his eyes and it wasn't empty as I would expect. There was confusion, sadness, a lot of pain and mere darkness. To be honest, the first night I got afraid, I thought that it was going to be the hardest thing to keep alive someone that was so dead and so alive at the same time; the crash between life and death was too hard to handle. But he was too weak to protest and I decided to help. That night I went to Amaya Beach thinking that suicide was the only road to take away from guilt and ended up looking at him, water up to his knees, next to me; physically complete, but obviously emotionally-vandalized and I realized that there was always someone in a worst situation, and Jonas was this for me since I was four, but my increasing pain made me stop understanding his. To feel bad about Cristian, wasn't enough to love life; but I felt more pity over him, than over me and without knowing how it happened, I saved two lifes that night.

It was just before sunshine when I took his hand and guide him to my house. "Let me go, I'm a problem" he said on our way, but I ignored him and kept walking. I made him moved from his pain to mine and it wasn't salvation for him or for me, because an hour later we moved to his pain, and then to mine and based on this sick loop, we created a bound.