That One Time

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen
Feelings

I've been fumbling with my fingers nervously for the last few seconds now as I try to avoid eye contact with Savior. He just had to hear everything that Bridgette spilled earlier and I knew I had to talk to him to clear things out. 

The student lounge was empty as it was still early in the morning and all I can hear was the fast rhythm of my heart. I could also feel awkwardness radiating from both of us, then again, and it was clear as day that Savior was just as confused as I am. 

Narinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. "Kleighn, if you don't want to tell me, it's fine. Hindi mo naman kailangang pilitin ang sarili mo." Nang hindi pa rin ako nagsalita, muli siyang umimik, "If you're uncomfortable talking about it, then I'll pretend I didn't hear anything." 

He then gave me a small smile. "Bumalik na lang tayo sa classroom. Baka hinahanap ka na ng mga kaibigan mo." Just as he was about to turn his back, I immediately grabbed his wrist and said, "N-No, wait."

Savior was evidently surprised at my sudden and outright gesture. Gulat siyang napatingin sa aking kamay na nakahawak sa kanyang palapulsuhan kaya agad ko iyong inalis na animo'y napaso ako. 

I took a few deep breaths and tried to regain my composure before talking. Since this moment has come, I might as well just face it. Who knows? It might empty my very perplexed mind and prevent me from going actually crazy. 

With that, I looked at Savior straight in the eye and started talking. "Yes, you heard it right. I do have a crush on you, Savior." If it was possible, I'd say he looked more shocked than before. Even I has quite surprised at myself because I didn't know I had the guts to say that so bravely in front of him. 

"I'm sorry." I gave him an apologetic smile. "Nadala lang siguro ako ng mga pang-aasar ng mga kaibigan ko at ng mga kaklase natin." I omitted the part where I might have started developing feelings for him the first few times we've encountered each other.

"I hope you don't feel awkward towards me or anything. Sana 'wag mo akong iwasan dahil lang dito. Crush lang naman 'to, mabilis ding mawawala." I reiterated what my friends have been telling me this whole time just to give Savior some sort of assurance that I'll indeed forget about my feelings even though I'm not really sure if I can really forget them that easily. 

Savior's dumbfounded face slowly turned into an empathic one. "Kleighn, you don't have to say sorry for having such feelings." His statement honestly warmed my heart, knowing that he still understands me even after all this. "And don't worry, walang iwasan na mangyayari," he assured me. "Magkaibigan pa rin tayo." 

I was disappointed but I didn't show it on my face just to look that I was okay with what he said: that we'll still be friends, great friends.

"Let's go back to the classroom, Kleighn. May i-re-revise pa ako sa assignment ko sa Math, magtatanong ako kay Philippe," he stated and smiled at me. I just returned his smile, then watched him turn his back on me while I followed.

Savior has been very clear and vocal about how great friends we are, but I think he just pushed me further back into the friend zone.

...

Time flew quite past and I'd say days just drifted into months. There were a few stressful projects and performance tasks that I managed quite well; my friends and I still hang out here and there in Kelszey's house, and Savior and I are still great friends, please note the sarcasm.

 I still get frequent rhythmic heartbeats and butterflies in my stomach, and seldom cold sweats and sleepless nights as I still have a crush on Savior. He and I remained casual about it but unlike what my friends told me, my feelings didn't fade or go away. Moreover, the occasional teasing of 'KleiVior' also didn't help me with forgetting these feelings, in fact, I think they made it even worse. Just like now.