Unravel | Jeverus

Part 22

Severus hissed as he closed his eyes shut. His arms stung as he moved.

" Sit the fuck down." Mulciber ordered and Severus laid back down with a groan.

It was one of those days, lazy ones where he and his roommate drunkenly stumbled out of the bathroom and onto their beds. He practically collapsed onto his side and Mulciber sat beside him with a first aid kit.

" You have a problem."

Mulciber moved the q-tip lightly over the wounds, straight and to Severus—flawless.

" I have many problems."

" Drinking makes wounds inflamed."

" You got me into it in the first place." Severus groaned.

It was true and Mulciber knew it so he laughed.

" You have to stop trying to go to Potter's room."

" Why?"

" It's unhealthy."

" How?"

" Because you guys clearly like each other but you wont ever do anything. You even tried to set him up with someone and you both got hurt in the end."

" I wasn't hurt."

Mulciber scoffed as the evidence laid right in front of him. 15 new cuts that would heal into bumpy red scabs, then eventually fade into brown lines.

Severus has never felt so broken, so incredibly unsalvageable he had Mulciber cleaning his wounds.

" Stop torturing yourself." His roommates concern was new.

" Stop acting like you care."

" I don't. But this isn't okay in the long run."

Severus sighed and sat up, tugging his arm away and leaning against the cold headboard of his bed.

" He's delicate. His body and mind is still recovering." He said softly and it all felt incredibly stupid to Mulciber.

How is it that the one person that can help Potter is sitting in a room with a future death eater complaining how it's not meant to be?

Mulciber was evil to the bones but he wasn't stupid.

" Shut up. Just shut up."

" Excuse me?"

" You can't throw yourself a pity party because of something you are stopping." Mulciber exasperated.

He knows how much Severus loves Potter. He's desperately in love with him but refuses to admit it. He's going as far as to hurt other people just to keep his own feelings hidden.

No. His feelings aren't even hidden anymore. It is truly confusing.

" I can't be with him..." Severus mumbled quietly and Mulciber scoffed again.

He didn't look up to see the dread on Severus' face. Or the tears that welled in the corners of his eyes and threatened to spill if he blinked.

He didn't feel the ache in his chest as the words fell from his mouth and he couldn't hear the thoughts that ran through his head.

I can't be with him. Because i dont know how i can love him.

How can he give James the love he deserves when he doesn't have the capacity. In his heart there is only room for James and no one else, not even himself.

He was consumed by the urge and uncontrollable eagerness to help James—that he completely neglected himself.

Maybe he wasn't that selfless at all. Maybe he was just as selfish and jaded as he feared. He felt stupid, and a fool for being in love at the wrong time.