RAGUSSI [TDH - I]

Chapter 9 [Warning!]

NADIA CORNELL

"Ikaw pala yung pinag-uusapan kanina ng mga tao." panimula ko nang makabalik na kami sa kwarto.

"What people?" he asked innocently.

"The bachelor Admiral they were talking about."

Namumuo ang iritasyon sa utak ko dahil sa paglilihim ni Laurant sakin. All these time, hindi man lang niya sinabi. Nakampante pa akong tratuhin siyang ordinaryo lang.

"What's so important about that?" he asked in full curiosity, and I couldn't help but become more irritated of the fact that nothing about this worries him.

"You see, the first time we met wala kang binanggit kundi Laurant lang. Tinulungan mo ako sa problema ko, ang laki laki pa ng nagastos mo, at hindi ko man lang alam na ganyan ka pala. Ilang beses na rin tayo nagkausap pero umaakto ka lang na parang wala lang sayo. Tapos ngayon kahit magkasama tayo sa isang kwarto, wala ka parin balak sabihin sakin." pigil ko ng inis na salita.

"Does it matter to you?" kalmado niyang tanong at umupo sa kama para hubarin ang uniform.

"Oo. Sobra. Kaya pala noong mga nakaraan na pumupunta ako sa Base para maghatid ng pagkain, pinagtitinginan ako ng mga tao mo."

"You'll get over it, Nadia. Stop thinking about it."

"Baliw ka ba? Huwag ka nga magsalita na parang wala lang 'tong nalaman ko." irita kong sermon sa kanya.

"Because it doesn't matter to me, and it shouldn't matter to you too."

"Nakakairita ka!" bulyaw ko.

"Come on, it's just our first day here. I didn't  here to argue." his eyes were tired, even his movements tells that he is completely uninterested to talk about the matter.

"I didn't come here with you to play dumb."

Nang maramdaman niyang nag-iba na ng tono ang boses ko, tumayo siya at lumapit sakin.

"If you knew, would you still talk to me?" we were staring at each other deeply. The eyes speaks more than our mouth does, and right now, I just know that he is fed up.

"Hindi,"

"See? You wouldn't. And yet you're ranting like everything could've been better if I told you who and what I was, Nadia."

"Ang gusto kong sabihin ay hindi ko masisiguro." pagtanggi ko sa akusasyon niya sakin.

"And it's still the same. Your uncertainty will lead you to deciding that you wouldn't talk to me ever and did you really think that I'd risk telling you a part of who I am for the very sake of honesty?"

He stepped backwards and turned his body onto the opposite direction.

"Alam mo Laurant, we don't know anything about what the future has set for us. At least naging honest ka man lang, wala namang mawawala sayo kung magsasabi ka." sagot ko sa kanya. "Ayaw kong nagiging blind ako sa mga bagay na dapat malaman ko rin."

"I would've lost the chance of talking to you like a normal person, you know." aniya. "Without the ranks and statuses, we were alright. Weren't we?"

"Iba pa rin kapag alam ko. Ano bang hindi mo maintindihan doon?" nauurat kong sagot.

"Alright." hinubad niya ang navy shirt at nagpalit ng normal na t-shirt.

Binalot na kami ng katahimikan at wala na rin akong sapat na lakas para i-insist sa kanya ang gusto ko.

Pinasadahan ko nalang siya ng tingin nang naglakad na siya papaalis sa kwarto.

Nang mahawakan niya ang door knob ay nilingon niya ako at bumuntong hininga.