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CHAPTER SIXTEEN. deep end.
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I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT JJ for the whole night. Is it strange that it feels so easy to admit that? I know I'm not meant to shy away from my feelings — that was a hard-learned lesson in therapy, and I still don't think it's been fully conquered — but this is the first instance where it feels natural to do so. I want everyone to know what my mind has shown me tonight; visions of us doing the stupidest things known to mankind, and enjoying it nevertheless. Saying 'us' has also come naturally, thought a doubt lingers if that idea exists. Sure, JJ and I clearly inhabit the same Earth, the same island, but do we live the same life?
We don't. We may share similar qualities, such as shitty fathers and a liking for destruction, but our foundations are fundamentally the opposite. A Pogue and a Kook, we wouldn't work at any cost. There is too much of a pre-empted division between us that I suspect the gap will never close. A fault line going through two hearts, that'll erupt with an excessive build-up of pressure and cause both to break, damage so irreversible that it crates its own category on the Richter scale. Hurting him is inevitable (let's be real, it's all I do) but I don't want it to be. The matter on the table, therefore, relates again to me escaping my father.
As his memory grazes my attention, I immediately jitter around on the couch as a physical display of discomfort, taking a pillow from under my head and burying my scream in it. The brown material gives off an inhumane odor that I've only noticed once it was over my face, leading me to scream again and chuck the object on the ground. For a third time, a noise of utter fear leaves my lips as I discover JJ asleep on the floor beside me, waking him up from his peaceful slumber. What a shame he's a pretty sleeper, but so Goddamn intrusive.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I kick the side of his frame, jolting him into a fully awake state.
"What? Jesus, what?" he repeats.
I hug my knees to my chest, "JJ, why are you on the floor?"
"Uh..." JJ hesitates, "why not?" he says, plastering on a smug smirk to mask his awkwardness.
