Maneater (Deadpool x fem!reader)

Boogie Wonderland

~~~~Word count: 5,150~~~~

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Taxi Cab - 3rd person POV
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A man in a red, fitted suit with a matching mask fidgets in the back seat of a taxi cab as it drives down the freeway. He slowly adjusts the two katanas strapped to his back and begins rolling the window up, down, up, down, up-

"Kinda lonesome back here," he says. The man in the suit began wedging himself through the opening of the plexiglass, which was separating the front of the cab from the back. The katanas that were strapped to him hit the roof of the taxi, causing the man to get stuck halfway through.

"Little help?" He asks the cabbie, extending a hand. The cabbie grabs his hand and pulls him through to the front. Because the man came through the plexiglass head-first, he was now upside down. The cabbie's hold on the man's hand turns into a handshake.

"Dopinder," the cabbie says.

The man in the suit, still upside down responds. "Pool. Deadpool." The cabbie doesn't seem to be fazed by what is happening.

"Nice," Deadpool says, pointing at the dash after righting himself in his seat. Dopinder looks at the air freshener next to steering wheel and takes a deep breath.

"Smells good, no?" He asks Deadpool.

"Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl." A picture of a young woman is taped to the dashboard. Dopinder gazes at it before responding.

"Ah yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She was supposed to make me a very agreeable wife. Mom and dad chose her rather excellently. But Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin, Bandhu. Bandhu is as dishonorable as he is attractive."

"Dopinder, I'm starting to think I'm in this cab for a reason."

"Because you hailed it?" He replies, confused.

"No, my slender brown friend... to give you one crucial piece of advice: Love... is a beautiful thing. When it finds you, the whole world smells like Daffodil Daydream." Deadpool takes a deep breath, inhaling the Daffodil Daydream and continues, "So hold onto love tight. Go at Bandhu hard. Get Gita back. Or else... the whole world will taste like Mama June after hot yoga."

"And how does Ms. Mama June taste?"

"Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss- I could go all day like this. Point is, bad." Silence fills the cab as both men think to themselves. After a moment, Dopinder glances at Deadpool and speaks.

"Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?" Dopinder asks.

"Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks, six days, and oh..." he looks at his 'Adventure Time' watch before continuing, "...14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me."

"And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?"

"This shit." He slowly lifts up his mask, revealing a shriveled, gnarled face only consisting of scars. "Boo!"

After shocking Dopinder, Deadpool pulls out his pistols. He starts to chamber shells into two magazines. Suddenly, he frantically pats himself down.

"Ahhhh shit! I forgot my ammo bag. I usually leave it right by the door so I'll trip over it! Someone must have moved it...."

"Shall we turn back?" Asks Dopinder.