Cigarettes & Jasmine - steddie

I'm alone.

1986, March 28th, Friday

Things were different now, all their lives as they knew it were falling down every ounce of foundation shambling and Steve had nobody to lean back on.

He stared at Robin and Vickie. They were giggling as they had what seemed to be a conversation about fast times while organizing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone but Steve was never the best at reading lips...

He's folding clothes by himself something he'd actually grown accustomed to as a kid, as his parents were never home meaning he took on many responsibilities meant to be learned and he taught himself, he gleams at Robin again and can't help but feel this pit in his stomach, she looks so happy something he knows he'll never truly ever feel...

He glances at his pile of clothes realizing that his status will never change ever.

He's truly and utterly alone despite being in this center filled with people.

And he'll be alone forever, because he isn't just alone here.

It's everywhere...

At home.

At parties.

And even when he's with his friends he's alone, everyone has someone now except him and it's numbingly painful to realize...Robin  now has Vickie, Will had Jonathan, Dustin had Susie, Nancy had Jonathan, Mike had El, Joyce had Hopper and Despite the injury Lucas had Max.

And Steve had no one.

He'd guess he'd just stick his head in the sand waiting for this damn apocalypse...

And yes he knew everyone had his back, that everyone cared for him.

But what he means is different, he doesn't have someone he can come to all the time, including ungodly hours such as the time he's usually awake after his nightmare, tell them anything, his hopes and dreams and the nonsense he tries to spout to the others.

talking their ear off like a baby cries.

It used to be Robin but he knows it won't last  for very long. He realizes how lovable Robin is her soft aura complimenting many despite her insults to Steve she was loyal, and she was beautiful, her beautiful blue eyes and her short dark blonde hair that she flipped so perfectly yet humbly, Steve couldn't be humble if he tried.

Steve was definitely unlovable, he  knew he was attractive  of course he had nice full brown hair (which he spent  hours on), a nice  sharp jawline, hazel eyes and he was quite tall a bit linky but tall.

But was he really attractive?

Attractiveness wasn't only based off looks and did looks really matter in the grand scheme of things? He went mostly off what others told him, and he truly doubted it sometimes.

Was he really as good looking as people described him? but he eventually took that Philosophy to heart he started trying to believe it, believe that was handsome and that's when he became 'king Steve' the ruthless temperamental asshole.

He wanted to find something who loved him for more of his personality but it's been quite obvious over the past year he will never find that.

He wasn't extremely smart or extremely bulky the  only thing he was really even skilled in was mindless and unimportant hookup and a good smoke.

~~~~~~~

Once it turned to six o' clock Steve began to finish up his folding, promising the ladies he folded with that he'd be back tomorrow it's not like he had anything special to do, he wanted to help as much as he could.