Falling

Chapter 47 Those Words

Jackie's POV Monday

I felt drained waking up today after the events of yesterday. I got up, brushed my teeth and... ITS MONDAY!??

I have to go back to school today. I felt my stomach turn and my heart burn as I thought about going back to that densely crowded, loud, smelly awful place. I'll have to see Cali and Becky!

"Oh god I'm gonna die, this is my last day on Earth. It's all over for me" I rambled as I paced around the tiny room.

"You really shouldn't say things like that aloud, they might think your gonna off yourself or something" Ashton said coming out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in hand.

"I have to go back to school today meaning I have to see my bully's agin which means confrontation which means me getting beat up which means-

"Okay okay. That's enough." Ashton said grabbing me by the shoulders effectively stopping my pacing around our room.

"I'm scared" I admitted with a shaky voice.

"Okay, when you go back into school today you have to show them that your confident and not afraid of them. Im not saying you have to get into an all out brawl to prove yourself or anything but, don't take any shit from them"

"How?? I'm a nervous reck most of the time and even when I'm not I'm timid and unassertive" I said rubbing my arms in an attempt to soothe my worry.

"If they try anything just look at them coldly and say, fuck off or I'll beat your ass"

"What happened to no brawl??"

"Jackie, most girls your age are not ready to fight and will almost certainly back down if put on the spot like that"

"But what if they actually decide to fight me?"

"Then you give it your all. All those bad feelings bubbling inside you, that's your chance to let them all out"

"I'm gonna die"

Outside The School Building

"How are you feeling?" My mom asked with concern mes eyes.

"Nervous" I admitted.

"Okay, if anyone bothers you or you feel like you can't handle it call me and I'll come pick you up"

"Okay"

"I love you"

"Love you too" I replied hopping of if my moms car and heading into the school building. Immediately the crowd felt disorienting and I found myself drowning in this sea of people.

I managed to get to my locker and started grabbing the stuff I needed for my first period. I was so in my head about Cali and Becky seeing me at my locker I dropped all of my first period supplies on the ground. "No no no" I said feeling a million eyes staring at me.

I bent down to pick my stuff up when a familiar pair of hands started helping me gather my materials. "Your so clumsy" I looked up to see Piper smiling helping me pick my stuff up. We made eye contact and I impulsively lunged at her giving her a massive hug while also knocking us over in the process. People were staring while walking by but I didn't care. I'm so happy to see her.

"I missed you so much!" I said excitedly hovering over Piper.

"I- I missed you too" She tearing up. I started to pull away getting worried I was upsetting her when she pulled me into a tight hug. "Don't scare me like that. I thought something bad might've happened to you" She said squeezing me tighter. By this point the bell had already wrung but how could we think about going to class right now?

"I'm really really sorry" I said hugging her back equally as tight.

After what I wished could be forever she pulled away and stared into my eyes. Her face was red and filled with an array of emotions. She leaned in and put her forehead on mine.

"I- I...I love you Jackie"

Those words. Those words made me feel something I hadn't felt in two years. I felt, safe. For so long I was in this echo chamber of my own mind and the only things that bounced off the walls were insults and self hatred and painful painful memories. Those words broke my chamber. It felt as though this clouded bubble around my life had popped. I could see clearly.

"I love you" I whispered softly back to her.

Over the following months I stayed in the program and was eventually able to go back home. Ashton gave me this tearful goodbye which I really didn't expect from her and told me to visit every once in awhile and that she'd be out soon enough. I felt a mix of emotions coming home. Fear, joy, unease. All these were quickly washed away to seeing Piper inside my house holding the cake for my coming home party. Coming home this time around felt different. Like there was this warmth that hadn't been there all the times before.

It got better.

I felt myself smile as I came through the door and into my new life.