Falling

Chapter 21 Old Habits

Jackie's POV

Everything is gray.

It's been a week since Mandy yelled at me for not helping her when Violet was raping her. I haven't seen her since and I've haven't felt this low in a year.

The feeling reminds me of how I felt after I was raped. The emptiness. The disgust. The fear. All of it.

I remember awhile after I was raped and the investigation was still underway I started purposely putting myself in situations where it could happen again.

I remember this one time I snuck out one night and ended up wandering the streets till the sun rose.

Another time I went online and sexted random men on the internet. I felt disgusting after it but kept doing it until Mom and Dad found out. They talked to me and sent me away again and I came back 'fixed'. I didn't do those things anymore. I didn't need to. Around that time is when I started hearing voices, and that includes Mandy.

Now that I'm feeling that same empty feeling again I've reverted to old habits. And there's no sweet perky voice to tell me otherwise.

DaddiesLittleGirl: Heyy, anyone on? I'm a horny 12 year old just begging to be fucked

Kenny: Heyy baby, have you been a good girl?

DaddiesLittleGirl: If I say no will you punish me?

Kenny: You'd like that wouldn't you?

DaddiesLittleGirl: Yes please

Kenny: Since I'm not there with you your gonna have to do it yourself. Can you do that?

DaddiesLittleGirl: Of course

Kenny: Are you alone?

DaddiesLittleGirl: Yeah, besides my dumb sister. But don't worry she's knocked out

Kenny: It'd be so hot if she caught you

DaddiesLittleGirl: What do you want me to do daddy?

Kenny: I want you to-

Just then I heard the doorknob turn and quickly closed the tab and pretended to be playing Minecraft.

"Jackie it's 1 in the morning, you should be in bed" My Mom said rubbing her eyes.

"Okay" I said as I went back to bed.

I stared at the ceiling until the early morning when I finally fell asleep.

Since it's Saturday my parents let me sleep in late and I woke up around 1pm.

I sat up and saw Katie laying on her bed watching something on her phone.
"Good afternoon Jacks, mom made breakfast" She said turning off her phone and looking at me.

Why do I feel disappointed? Oh yeah, it's because I woke up.

I laid back down and stared at the ceiling.

"You should eat something"

I ignored her and continued to stare at the white ceiling. I don't feel hungry so I won't eat. Not like I deserve it anyway.

"Do you wanna go for a ride?"

I kept staring at the ceiling when my view was blocked by Katie's head.
"Jacks" She said with this worried looked etched across her face.

I kept staring at her or through her really. She sighed and gave up and went to tell Mom I was awake. Mom came in with a plate of waffles, eggs, and bacon for me to eat. Even just the smell of it was enough to put me in an even worse mood.