7 Minutes In Heaven (AOT MESSY LOVE)

8

"Mikasa, you're such a douchebag!" I giggled as we stumbled out of the indie shop we just tormented; by 'we' I mean Mikasa.

"That was a valid question, Shiloh." Her smile tipped as she carried a playful glare. I gave her a gentle nudge as my head bowed, holding in my laughter.

"Asking if all hipsters have a shared group chat talking about 'How do we get bullied, today?' is not a valid question!"  Gut busting laughter shook my body as Mikasa got a half empty water bottle thrown at her as we left. "You're always getting us into trouble." Mikasa took my hands as she walked backwards.

Today was a good day.

It feels like we'd been fighting so much, I forgot the reason why I was falling for Mikasa.

"Let's go to our favorite park." She said softly. I intertwined our fingers, physically agreeing with her.

Mikasa's hair matched mine, both absorbing any light; whereas, mine was long and wavy, hers was short and pin straight. Her eyes were as dark as her hair but still held a warmth that heated me to my core. Her lips always had a smirk to it, a small dimple sat in the corner. Her body was built; hugging her, I could feel the muscle beneath her skin.

I loved hugging Mikasa.

She made me feel so safe and ever since leaving my home, that's something I've craved; something I've yearned for. Safety.

Entering the park, I noticed the lack of people today; I knew why. It was middle of December, the sun was barely shedding any light. The floor was lightly dusted with snow and the playground was saturated. Mikasa and I walked to the swings and wiped off the puddles that sat on them. After doing so, we hopped on and quietly swung in sync.

It was like that for a while, just Mikasa and I with nothing between but a deep love for each other and silence.

"I love you, Shy." She said, her voice barely a whisper. Not looking at her, I smiled to myself.

"I know." I did absolutely know I was in love with Mikasa but I had yet to voice it out loud. Mikasa was pushy; she would subtly nudge me to say it back but I knew in my brain that I wasn't ready. Mikasa sighed, I wasn't sure if it was out of impatience or contentment but the moment was so calming, I didn't want to think about it.

"I'm gonna marry you, Shiloh." I felt my chest seize up. My legs stopped swinging, my eyes stayed trained on the playground in front of me. I didn't dare look at Mikasa. "Not now... but one day." The thought gave me anxiety. Why? Shouldn't I be over the moon to think about a future with the person I was in love with? Why did the thought make me feel panicked?

"Oh." I couldn't get any other words out, I was frozen in place, dreading the actual possibility of being with Mikasa forever.

With a few moments of quiet, I thought to myself the idea of marry the Mikasa that loved me and showed me so with her actions. That Mikasa was gentle and caring; she was considerate and protective without being overbearing. That's the woman I could see myself growing old with, maybe even having a few children to raise together but the Mikasa that's thrown dishes at the wall because I talked to a man at the bar; the Mikasa that has pressured me into being physically intimate with her, the one that has belittled me and bullied me because I embarrassed her in front of her friends? There's no way. I couldn't. I wouldn't. "We have to talk, Shiloh."

Here it is, she's going to pressure me into marrying her. And me being a pushover, I'm going to accept. My body shook, my eyes started welling with tears; I can't do this. I can't.

Just then, adrenaline pumped through my veins and broke into my voice box making me spit out "We need to break up!" Just as Mikasa spoke up-

"I'm sick."

Both of our eyes found each other's, and both held the same emotion: Fear.

"What?" She asked. She's confused, so am I. Sick?

"What do you mean Sick?"  She stood from the swing and walked in front of me.

"No, Shiloh, I asked first. What did you say?" I couldn't help it, I had really done it now. Tears broke through my dark lashes and spilled down my cheeks. I could taste the bitterness of them just as I could hear it in Mikasa's tone. I couldn't go back from this; I said what I said and I knew I needed to own it.

"I can't do this anymore, Mikasa." I gained the courage to look into her eyes but when I did, I severely regretted it. A cruel concoction of hate and rage, and saddness, with betrayal all clouded her features. She looked confused and broken all in one. "I'm sorry..."  It felt like forever before Mikasa finally spoke-

"Suddenly dying doesn't sound all that bad." She masked her anger with humor but I could see the cracks giving way; Mikasa was going to burst any moment now. Her and I both.

"Dying?" I was so overloaded with emotions, I was having a hard time keeping up with what was going on right now. "Are you joking? That's not a funny joke." Mikasa choked out a dark laugh.

"What does it matter to you?! You were breaking up with me not even a second ago, Shiloh!" I shook my head and stood up, I was a foot away from Mikasa with my shoulders squared. She was a good 4 inches taller than me but in this moment, I didn't let the look in her eye nor the fury in her stance scare me.

"That doesn't mean I don't care for you, Mikasa!" She scoffed, rolling her eyes and turning her back to me.

"Give me a fucking break, Shiloh! How long have you felt this way? How long have you been planning to rip me apart?" I angrily wiped the tears from my eyes, my brows lowered making me glare harshly.

"Don't act like this is such a shock to you. We've been at each other's throats for 3 months now! This is the first fucking day we've been able to actually hold hands without screaming at each other!" Another humorless laugh left Mikasa's chapped and scabbed lips. She always peeled them when she was nervous and now because of her constantly stretching them from yelling, a little bit of blood started to seep out of the cracks.

"Oh, please, Shiloh. Spare me the drama. Just admit it! You're too fucking scared to be in a relationship and you want your options open. You don't want to be tied down. You want to spread your wing-"

"You shut the hell up, Mikasa! No! You're wrong!"

"Enlighten me then, Sweetheart!" I let out a strangled and pained scream. I wanted to hit Mikasa, I wanted to pickup the swing set that Mikasa and I always came to when we were hurt or wanted to talk, and throw it across the world. I wanted to run as fast as Flash, away from everyone and anyone.

I didn't know much, but I knew I was seething.

"You're- you're vindictive, mentally and verbally abusive. I know you love me, Mikasa, but you're so goddamn impatient!" Standing my ground, I continued. "Any friend I've made, you've chased off besides Hitch!" I ran my fingers through my hair, stress pulling at its ends. "I'm done! I can't live like this!" I could feel a weight lift off my shoulders as I finally said what I needed to say. It's as if all my anger and anxiety melted away with the snow as the sun was starting to come out. "I'm done, Mik..." I whispered.

"You're home." Was heard as I walked through the door to my dorm.