Fits Like Ass On Bucket || Rindou x Reader

31 • romano

You had sat in the living room for hours at this point, having woken up from your rough rest on the couch long ago, waiting for Rindou to wake up. You already knew that Ran wasn't going to wake up any time soon so you could have a private conversation with your 'ex' outside of the bedroom.

The blond had taken the bed after you, oh so graciously asked him to sleep in it, refusing to let him have the couch since it was his bedroom first. He accepted with no trouble, too exhausted and probably too guilty to decline your offer.

The moment the clock strikes half past eight you hear the door to your bedroom open and with slight hesitation in his step you see Rindou walk out. He glances your way for only a second before turning left and entering the little toilet room, presumably doing his business. It doesn't take look for him to exit, closing the door slowly and quietly behind himself, his eyes never leaving the wood floors.

With his shoulders slumped and his hair tousled you can't see his face but for sure it can't look as bad as it did yesterday after coming home from the fight. Ran and Rindou spent at least an hour in the bathroom, patching each other up, after all.

"I need to talk to you."

There's no time better than now to get your thoughts and feelings out. No better time than now to explain everything to him as well as letting him explain himself. So, you call him over and wait as he slowly makes his way over to the couch, sitting down a greater distance from your spot on the other end of it. He sighs as he takes a seat and your heart breaks. He sounds so tired, so hurt and sad. You almost don't want to do this anymore, knowing you're going to be breaking his heart more than it already has.

Heavy silence settles in the room as you collect your thoughts, thinking of what to start the conversation with. Should you ask why he left? Though you've already kind of heard the answer to that from Ran. So a good explanation as to why you were at the fight would be good, or maybe you should begin slow.

"I missed you, you know."

He slumps further forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging low.

"Ran already told me everything. Why you left and didn't contact me anymore."

There's a flinch but other than that he doesn't move. It saddens you how he can't look you in the eyes.

"Rin." Upon calling his name Rindou twitches again, a little stronger this time. "Can you please look at me? Please?" He does as you request, though he hesitates greatly. As his tired, violet eyes meet yours you feel like crying. The way you already know what's going on inside his head by simply looking into his eyes has never been more of a curse than now.

The pure guilt in his mind leaves his eyes glossy and at the brink of tears, it's impossible to miss.

"I fought for you because I needed you here." Your voice is shaky and uneven but somehow you manage to keep it from cracking while you speak. "You and Ran are all I have in life, you're all that's keeping me here, so I joined Hanagaki to fight Mikey. I would have done anything to get you back, even if it killed me in the process." You stutter at the end, chest heavy and eyes teary. You can see Rin take in a deep breath, holding it to keep his composure.

"Rin I've tried so often to be here. I've tried to often to live with you or alone but no matter what I did differently nothing changed."

You see the confusion on his face by the way his brows crease, so you take a couple of deep breaths before explaining yourself.

"I see the future. I've always had dreams of the future and they change all the time. But not once have I been able to get a good ending." You swallow the lump in your throat "I've befriended you to try and save myself but that didn't work either. And when I fell for you everything just got so much messier but I refused to give up on you because I have no other choice. I've tried everything, anything that I could have done I did. This is the best it's been in a while, until you guys left that is." Rindou looks almost like he's about to break, almost ready to let go of his composure.

"What do you mean?"

"I've died every time Rin."

You can almost see the strings snapping and the gears popping into place by the way his eyes go wide and his mouth opens. It's almost like you can hear the words inside his head with how loud his expression is.

Oh.

Oh.

"What? No, you're right here and you're alive."

You sigh "Yea but I have never been able to live past 30. Sooner than later death will catch up with me and I'm-" You almost can't bring yourself to say it. Because you know what it will do to him.

"I'm going to kill myself."

The silence is loud. It makes your head pound, heat heavy with guilt all of a sudden.

You hear Rindou mutter a quiet 'what' under his breath and you avert your eyes. A sickly sweet and noticeably fake smile plastered on your lips "Well, sometimes it's other's that kill me. Mikey, Izana, Sanzu. . ." You look down towards the window, your hair covering your face ". . .you.".

It doesn't even take a second before painful sobs come from the blond, almost as if he already knew but didn't want to. Almost like your words were the last thing to break him out of his delusion, forcing him to face reality.

"Those nightmares of mine weren't really nightmares. They were dreams of me dying."

You bring yourself to face Rindou. With his head in his hands he cries and weeps, sobbing and denying your words, shaking his head and pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. You were prepared for heartbreak, but not to this level.

You scoot closer and slowly place your hand on his back, unsure if he'd like for your to touch him. He doesn't pull back, rather he leans into your body, craving for your touch. "Rin-" He shakes his head "You can't die. You can't!" It almost sounds a little childish, the way he demands you to live, but you understand his frustration. It's not like you currently want to die either.

Suddenly he jolts up, facing you and revealing his tear stained face. The waterworks are still very active as he grabs your shoulders, screaming at you, desperately demanding you to not die.

"You can't die! I need you. I love you! Please don't go. There has to be a way!"

Biting the inside of your cheek you hold onto his hands that are tightly grabbing your shoulders. "There seems to be nothing I can do-" He shakes his head, moving your body along with his movements "There has to be!" You bite your flesh harder, refusing to cry right now. Not after you've been crying for so long already, not when Rindou needs comfort.

"There was only one time-" He shakes you again "When?! What was it? What do I have to do to make you live?!"

Slowly you're starting to reach your limit on how much you can bear the pain in your chest.

You look down, brows furrowed and heart pounding against your ribcage. "After I told you I'm afraid of what the future holds. I had a dream where we lived in a country side house, with a big garden. We planted a lot of flowers in it to spend as much time as possible out there. Ran would visit sometimes, get drunk or raid our fridge." You laugh a little, remembering what you've seen "We traveled a lot, saw the world together you know?" You laugh again, this time a couple of tears manage to break out, cascading down your cheeks and dropping onto Rindou's arms.

"I don't want to die Rin but that seems to be the only option for me nowadays."

Rindou loosens his hands on you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders instead. He pulls you close until your face is pressed against his chest and you hear the rapid beating of his heart. "I love you so fucking much. I swear I will find a way to make that dream a reality. No matter what." Rindou leans down, pressing his face to your head "I will stop with gangs, stop ruling Roppongi. Maybe I'll even go and redo my highschool degree. Anything to keep you alive." He pulls back, his teary eyes staring into yours.

"I know this sounds selfish but I can't let you go again. I need you."

You smile before shaking your head "I'm the selfish one. I used you to try and save myself." Now he shakes his head, bringing you close and resting his chin on your shoulder "Doesn't matter. You stayed despite it not working. Maybe I've only made things worse overall but I swear I will make it better. I can't let you go."

You two cry into each other's shoulders, desperately clutching onto one another to ease the pain. Desperately trying to heal.