Dear Diary || The Music Freaks

Dear Diary | Chapter 2

Uh, I guess I'm meant to start with "Dear Diary", or something? I don't even know, I just got this as a journal I can rant into

Basically, I screwed up everything with my best friends.

Recently, my parents went through a divorce. That forced my step-brother to move out of our house.

I really didn't think the divorce would affect my life at school. I thought Zander and I would stay close, and the club would continue on.

Boy, was I wrong.

I said so many stupid things. So many stupid things I wish I could take back.

It started a huge argument among the entire club, and the next day at school, I sat alone at my lunch table.

I miss them. I regret everything. Gosh, I wish I could go back in time and change things. I never should've made that stupid comment. Zander, Milly, Sean, Luke, they're all gone. Out of my life. And Jake. Oh, Jake.

The first person I ever loved.

All I want is to run to him and give him the biggest hug ever. But I can't. Because I'm an idiot, who destroyed our entire friendship.

I haven't slept in days. I have no friends. All my friends are just memories now. And the thoughts haunt me at night. Now all I can do is cry until the sun rises.

It's been weird, not having Luke, Zander and Jake to tease and joke with all throughout class. Not staying back every day with Sean to work on tracks for the competition. Not going to Milly's house every Friday to watch movies and play cliche slumber party games.

My life was so- *perfect.* Why'd I give all that up?

Shannon. My mom. Gosh, I miss her so much. Before her and Zander left, she gave me the biggest hug and told me she loved me, and that I'd always be her daughter. She was my mom, she *is* my mom. I just hope I'll be able to see her again...

Wow. I managed to lose two mothers in a single lifetime.

My dad's taking the divorce pretty badly, too. He tells Bethany and I that he's fine, but I hear the sobbing coming from his room every night. I see the bags under his eyes, similar to my own. I hear the pain in his voice when he says he's okay.

My poor dad.

Having no friends is weird. For so long, I've had Zander and Luke to rely on. I thought I'd have them forever, then Sean and Milly, and eventually, Jake. I thought these were people I'd carry with me forever. Now, there's just no one. My family's gone.

Both of my families are gone.

The others seem to be doing fine. Milly has Elliot. Sean has Daisy. Zander and Luke have each other. Jake has his other friends.

They all seem to be perfectly fine, having moved on with their lives. But then there'll be those moments when I make eye contact with one of them in the halls, and I can see the hurt in their eyes. They've not *completely* moved on. At least not yet.

Oddly enough, Drew approached me the other day. He asked me how I was holding up.

I was shocked, to say the least. Although, I did notice Drew had toned down the bullying quite a bit since the incident, and I'm assuming he heard from Jake what happened. Still, I didn't expect him to actually talk to me.

I told him I was alright, and he just kinda left. Even if it was a short conversation (if you could even call it that), it felt nice. Someone asking if I was okay. Because recently, I've felt like I have no shoulder to cry on.

Through all this loneliness, I've also been observing how the rest of the club is doing.

Milly seems happy. Her and Elliot are spending a bunch of time together, and I'm actually starting to be convinced that they're a couple. I also saw her talking to Zoey and Lia not too long ago. Not arguing or teasing, but genuinely laughing and smiling with them.

Jake actually seems to be taking the club's breakup pretty badly. It's obvious how tired he looks. However, he still seems to be enjoying spending time with Drew and the others. I guess his life kind of just switched back to how it was before he joined the club, minus the bullying part.

Apparently, being in the music club was the only thing standing between Luke and being the school's "take one please" bowl of free eye candy. Even in the club, he was quite popular. But now, he's probably one of the most popular guys at our school. Girls are swooning all over him, and I honestly feel kind of bad, because he can't seem to sit down in the cafeteria without at least three of them sitting with him.

The attention seems to be driving Zander nuts, and I can tell Luke's army of fangirls aren't very nice to Zander. Zander looks tired, too. But I'm guessing the fact he's been sleeping in a motel largely contributes to that. Aside from that, he seems content. Although, he's been quite rude to me. "Accidently" side shoving me when we're walking in the hallways, the annoying scoffs everytime I ask a question in class, and those ice cold stares. He really hates my guts now. I don't blame him.

Sean's doing well. He joined the school council, and has a small friend group of people all in the council. Him and Daisy are closer than ever, rumors have even started about them dating. Despite their interactions seeming to be completely platonic from what I've seen, a lot of people think they're a couple. I even saw a post about it on the school's gossip account, which is an account some buffoons set up to write a bunch of articles about school rumours.

Overall, everyone's doing well. Except for me.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've never felt more stressed and remorseful. I wonder if the club's ever gonna get back together, because I know I'm not the only one who misses us all being together... Right?

Who knows, maybe fate will be on my side, and I can get them back. My *family* back.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

-Hailey Austin