ᴛʜɪʀsᴛ ☑

#15. Heartstopper

Jimin rushed to plug in his phone with the car charger after starting the engine and waited for the device to come to life, his feet tapping against the car floor and his jaws clenched. Just as the light emerged on the cellphone, he hastily put the password in and opened Instagram. His heart was racing as it was, but seeing a text from Jungkook, it started thudding louder. 

"I am so sorry again, Jimin. Can we start over?"

Jimin scoffed, seeing how the boy had a disregard for disobeying his elders. He had specifically pointed out that he was older, but no. Jungkook still had to refer to him by his name. Oh, fuck. He later realized that Jungkook was asking for another chance. How could the teen even want to be associated with someone who humiliated him? Jimin couldn't help but conclude that Jungkook was a special case, a hot mess, but dumb.

He closed the app and drove home. He tried to immerse himself in the chores. When he never cooked, he decided to cook at home. He did the dishes later. His sex life was out cold for almost a month, and he decided that it was only good for him to take some time to himself, and not get into any more trouble.

After cleaning up the house, he felt pretty good about himself, looking at the flawless home. He rushed back to the kitchen and poured the iced coffee he had prepared for himself into a big glass. The living room was silent and soothing as he sat on the couch, taking sip by sip with his phone kept on the side while he scrolled on Netflix. 

His fingers, which were working on the remote, suddenly stopped at a series named 'heartstopper.' He stared at the cover and it looked like it was a high school teen romance, which he was a sucker for. But then he read the blurb and figured out it was LGBT+. 

This was now a dilemma. No one was watching him, but he knew that if he watched the show, he would know that he wanted to do this, that he was interested to see a love story between two boys. But then he thought, maybe it will give me transparency on my feelings. 

Confident that he would emerge victorious in a war between his reality and his recent misalignments, he clicked on the play button and began watching the show. The whole series had only a couple of episodes, which made it easier to watch. In the first scene, the lead named Charlie, secretly kissed his classmate inside the library, making Jimin think why didn't he cringe. The mere idea of kissing another boy had him wanting to throw up, but this, the way the director had portrayed the innocence and feelings in that kiss, was something special. 

Jimin got past the scene and without knowing it, he was invested in the show. Episode by episode, he could relate to the struggle of the other boy, Nick, who was starting to like Charlie but was in a big state of perplexity. The shame, the admittance, everything was relatable, not that Jimin had concluded that he was bisexual yet. He was conflicted and far from deciding. 

In the captivating scene of the two boys playing in the snow, or the intense one where Nick ran to Charlie's home in the rain, Jimin's heart fluttered. He could feel that love was there between them, and perhaps, homosexuality wasn't all that bad. The ending at the beach had Jimin feeling like he wanted this. Not specifically a relationship with a boy, but to take his girl on the beach and carry her, kiss her after sharing an ice cream cone. 

With a sigh, he stood up and caught the time. It was way past his bedtime and he had an early meeting the next morning. He cursed himself for being all fancy and having a coffee at night because when he got to his bed and couldn't find a wink of sleep. 

He decided to browse the adult site to watch some videos and jerk himself to sleep. It always helped. The moment he opened the page, he was redirected to the last video he had watched, which was a gay clip. He thought to change the category, but then he scrolled down to find another one of those videos in the same category. 

He couldn't look at the ripped and bulky men being fucked. That made him want to pry his eyes away. If hypothetically he ever considered himself gay, his type would be cute, not the extra big bodies. So he decided if he could find a video where the actors were cute, like the ones he had watched in the show, he might enjoy it. He kept looking until he found a thumbnail of a boy who was well-built, but with a cute face. Bingo.

Jimin clicked on it faster than anything and glanced at it. The other actor, or a top, was a lean man in his forties, and the cute bottom was presumably in his late teen. The two looked like they were made for each other. The way the older dominated the younger, there was something about it that made Jimin imagine himself in place of him. The way he handled the boy's body, connected him in the whole process, it wasn't sheer fucking video, but it was a rather passionate one. Not vanilla, but not extreme either, just how Jimin liked it. 

The bottom took him in so well. And Jimin came all over his hand at the image of him sucking the older male.

He closed his eyes and didn't move, relishing the feeling, reliving the image in his head, and then Jungkook's face flashed in his mind for a moment. The boy was undeniably cute. If he was to tame him in his bed, would he also look like how the boy he had just watched? 

The thought was dark, not in a bad way. But at this point, Jimin only wanted to test this theory out. He only wanted to fuck the boy once to see if he liked it. He didn't even want the second meeting. It wouldn't be entirely wrong, he thought. He was willing to sleep with me. If I mentioned it clearly that I am only looking for a one-night thing, he might agree. I will get to be sure about myself and with clear communication, he will also not expect much from me.