Bloodthirsty Secrets

chapter nineteen | three months in the grave

When Dean awoke in purgatory he didn't expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows, but what he definitely didn't see coming was having history repeat itself with him searching for someone all over again.

"Benny!" Dean called out for what felt like the millionth time. It'd been months, and all he'd managed to do was continue to draw unwanted attention to himself.

He'd thought about giving up, especially within recent days. Things just seemed to get worse and worse, but he realized that if he stopped he'd be alone, possibly forever. And that was the last thing he wanted.

When he died, he didn't expect purgatory to be as bad as it had been before. But, now that he actually fit in with the crowd, that only seemed to cause more anger. Not unlike the last time, he recognized a few monsters he'd killed before he'd turned. The looks on their faces were what haunted him the most.

Sometimes, the thought that Benny could already be long gone crossed his mind. That was what was hardest to deal with, more so than the monsters which were at every turn.

Dean had also been wondering if anyone was trying to get him topside. While he still didn't think he wanted to be saved, there were other reasons lingering in his mind. One in particular he had to drown within his mind to keep from losing himself.

Cas.

Each time Cas crossed Dean's mind was worse than the last. Now, he found himself having to stop and take a moment to compose himself before carrying on. The thoughts he had were all the same ones he had about Benny, except with Cas it hurt so much more because of what had been said in their final moments together.

Maybe it would've been better if everything had gone unspoken. Everything. Feelings, truths, desires, the whole lot. He could've kept it hidden, buried so deep within him that no one would find out for decades, centuries even. Possibly ever. If that time ever passed, that is. And so far, it hadn't.

If he was somehow brought back from the dead, maybe it would. But, for now he had other things to worry about, like the leviathan sneaking up behind him. Easily, he swung his blade and easily took its head clean off.

"Benny!" Dean called out again as he continued on, not really expecting any reply to come.

"Dean?"

Dean whipped around, only to find none other than Rain standing there looking mortified. To say he was disappointed on multiple levels was an understatement. At least he'd found someone he knew, though, he wasn't really expecting to see them anytime soon.

"How long have you been here?" he tossed out.

"Um, a few days, I think. I kinda just zoned out and layed on the ground when I got here. Isn't it crazy to think about how we're both dead? How everyone here is dead? Oh god, I like, just killed someone with my teeth in self defense. What happens if you die when you're already dead? Do you know, Dean? You seem like you would know." Rain was speaking so quickly, it was hard to keep up. "You know, it's not my fault I'm a vampire so why can't I go to heaven instead?"

"'Cause that's not how it works," Dean said unapologetically. "And most of us didn't ask for this; you're not special."

Rain pursed their lips. "Good point. I still don't think it's fair, though."

There was one question of Dean's mind. "How's Cas?" he asked, a shakiness in his voice.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him," Rain said. "In fact, we all found out about your death from Sam. Aria kinda went crazy after that and started hunting Sam, of all people. She was also going after Rowena, which was really weird because me and Rowena kinda had this whole witchy friend thing going on. But I guess it was probably weirder for Aria because she's literally pregnant with Sam's baby, so..."