20: selfish

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A few weeks earlier

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"Why'd you leave... without me?" I asked Rafe cautiously as I laid on his bare chest, my breathing was heavy and heart rate at its peak, not really that just sounded more dramatic, "At the tarmac." I elaborated as he didn't answer.

"I don't know." he whispered, "I guess I panicked, everything happened so fast and my dad was yelling at me to get Sarah away to safety. I guess,  nothing else mattered at that moment but to get my baby sister safe."

"No one?" I said rolling off his chest to lay on my back.

"Y/N-" he started but I cut him off.

"No I get it, she's your sister and I'm just... a girl." I said with a little exaggeration, but keeping my voice and the tone of it calm, "It's okay." I now stood up gathering my clothes, and I could feel that I got angrier and angrier, not really knowing why.

"Y/N, come back here." He said trying to keep his voice soft as he grabbed my hand pulling me toward him, but I yanked myself off "I, with a very high chance, could have died!" I screamed with a tint of pain in my voice

"But you didn't." He tried to calm me in a 'look at the bright side' way getting up himself.

"Rafe, Daniel pointed a gun at ME! He meant to shoot me! And you just drove off, you could have done numerous of things, but you just drove off!" I now screamed irritated and an angry tear falling down my cheeks.

He looked at me for a moment in silence and then let out a loud 'fuck' as he hit the bench closest to him. You may wonder where we are, well, in a very old church, actually quite far from... well everything, so we definitely were alone and not heard.

"I had to get Sarah safe!" He screamed, "Okay! What do you want from me?! She's my sister!"

I was shocked, a part of me under stood him, but other part of me couldn't even look at him right now, so I quickly put on my clothes and sat down on a bench and I started crying, which made me even more angry. 

He sat down on a different bench across the one I sat on, "I had no cho-" he started but I couldn't listen him finish.

"I can't listen to you anymore, I get it, she's your sister and she was your priority. It's fine." It wasn't fine, I wasn't usually this selfish, but I fell in love, and I guess it mentally made me a selfish person so that... I guess, so that I could keep him, I wanted to matter to him the most. I became selfish, though love shouldn't be selfish, but for fuck sake I'm 17.

I walked to my car but didn't start it. I just sat there trying to hold mixture of every single emotion's tear back as he too walked out leaning on a door looking at me from it. I finally started my car and drove off, and I could see from my rearview mirror that he got on his bike too to leave.

I only got to drive about half a mile before I had to pull over, because the tears in my eyes were unbearable and I couldn't see anymore. I broke down crying and started to hit my steering wheel, because I felt so angry at myself and Rafe.

Why? Why did I have to go and fall in love? Again for fuck sake I'm only 17 years young. I don't think I even know what love is, but this is what I know so far, for what it is, and I don't really like it. Why does it feel so good one minute and hurt like a bitch the other

"What's wrong?!" I startled as suddenly my door flew open and I saw Rafe still in his helmet. His bike was just a few feet ahead of my car, so he stopped when he saw me stop. I only looked at him before I started to cry even more.

"I've never been this selfish!" I cried out and he took his helmet off.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused but with pained look on him.

"I wanted you to choose me first, I wanted you to put me first! I want to be your priority, damn it you make me feel so angry, you- you make me crazy." I said stepping out of my car and leaning on the door next to the drivers door.

"But I do put you first, I do choose you first and you are the most important person to me." He said trying to sooth me down.

Is he hearing himself? Not even an hour ago, damn it not even half an hour before he more or less told me that he had to put family first, and now this... boy, make up your mind "But you didn't. You chose to take Sarah away to safety and left me with a gun pointed at me! And- and I've never been this selfish to want to be first over someone's family, but I am, for the first time, because I fell in love with you." I said almost with disgust in my voice, "I don't think we're good for each other."

"No. Y/N stop." He said stopping me from saying the rest. He started to shake his head not wanting to hear anymore.

"I don't think you're good to me." I said now with more calm, almost scary calm voice, "I mean, look at us, look at me. I got angry at you for choosing your sister over me, that's not healthy."

"Stop it."

"For fuck sake you were probably high when you first told me that you were in love with me. And the very next morning I had to make you an ultimatum, there should never be ultimatums, no matter what." He kept pleading me to stop, but I couldn't. I guess unconsciously I figured that this was easier than working through everything that had happened. "Go home Rafe, go home and make sure Sarah's okay, okay." 

"Screw you." He just said and slammed the drivers door shut and only now I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I stood there once again trying to hold back tears, just long enough for him to leave, so that he didn't have to see me crying.

Funny, huh? Even after that, I wanted to, more or less, make sure that he didn't see me broken, ugly, in pieces, I wanted him to see me strong, even though I definitely wasn't as the exact moment he was back on the road, I broke down against my car and stayed there on the spot for, probably, the next ten minutes crying. And the most worst part of all worsts, I was more angry at myself than him, I don't think I'm actually mad at him.

-

A/N

Gonna definitely write more now, or more than this summer, as I've figured out the ending to this, so a little head's up.

This book is going to last only till the end of second season, so I'm not going to be including the third season at all. So you don't have to wait for super long after season two as this ends then.

Really hope you've enjoyed this so far and very, very thankful for you for reading my work!

What the hell Rafe Cameron? // Rafe Cameron X ReaderWhere stories live. Discover now