Dear Diary... Nosipho's Life

Dear Diary 37: The Day After The Birth

Holding my baby for the first time felt like the world stopped and it was just me and my little human in my arms. I know it might sound cliché to say “the pain was worth it” considering that I wanted to die because of the pain but holding my baby in my arms looking at her pretty face made all the pain I felt worth it. The love was instant, I felt this overwarming love that I’ve never felt before.

Ashley was right by my side through it all, holding my hand, encouraging me, even though at some moments all I wanted to do was kill him. The moment the nurse gave Ashley the baby was everything, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that happy since I met him and Assa looked so tiny in his arms.

The next day I woke up exhausted, I was struggling to produce breast milk and breast feeding was so painful so the first day and night we had to feed her formula milk but I still tried to breast feed her here and there when the milk was coming out, I won’t give up on breast feeding till I can supply enough milk to feed her throughout. Ashley slept on the couch and helped me throughout the night with the feedings, burping her and changing her diaper, we were even searching the internet for different natural ways to produce more breast milk or safe supplements to take.

My mother left right after seeing the baby, she had to go back home for Ntando and clean up the house especially my room to prepare for when the baby and I come back home. Ashley looked after the baby while I went to take a shower and get dressed in decent clothes. When I came back the nurse was already in the room waiting for me.

Nurse: Are you guys ready to learn how to give your baby a bath?

Me: Yes

Ashley and I followed the nurse around while she was preparing the water, teaching us about the right temperature of the water for the baby and all of that stuff then finally she took the baby from Ashley, undressed her and put her in the water. Assa started screaming, my heart! I wanted to stop the nurse but I knew she had to have a bath and we had to learn how to do it eventually. The nurse tried to be quick, after bathing and dressing her the nurse left and I fed her, Ashley then took her to burp her and put her to sleep. Ashley and I sat on the couch after Assa fell asleep. I put my feet on his lap

Me: I’m so exhausted I wanna sleep for at least 3 days

Ashley: I know right

Me: Thanks for being here and doing everything with me, Assa and I are really lucky to have you

Ashley: No need to thank me, this is my job, to be an amazing father and boyfriend

Me: Well you are the best

Ashley: I wouldn’t dream of being less especially after I saw you giving birth, you really did well

Me: Which part did I do well? Cursing you out? Pushing you? Grabbing you? Blaming you?

Ashley: [Laughing] All of the above… but seriously though, I knew you were strong but yesterday you were really amazing. You pushed an entire human being out of your purse

Me: That’s why I deserve a push gift

Ashley: What’s that?

Me: A gift a baby daddy gets his baby mama for pushing his baby out

Ashley: I’ve never heard of that before, did you just make that up?

Me: [Laughing] No, that’s a real thing

Ashley: You do deserve a push gift though

Me: I’ll be waiting sir. So how do you feel about being a father? I know we’ve been talking about her, trying to imagine how she would look like, planning and all, now that she’s finally here how do you really feel?