the only time i feel i might get better (is when we are together) - ziam

Twenty one ･ﾟ✧

It didn't take Zayn long to fall asleep after that and his gentle, soft snores were soon to be heard around the room very shortly after. Liam was quick to turn the TV off as a result of it so that the little boy wasn't awaken by the sound: it looked as though he was in his own dream world, dreaming about dogs chasing around fields or something similar to that, and him being woken up, a sleepy, tired, sobbing mess, was the last thing Liam wanted right now. Especially when the boy was holding his teddy with a smile so bright that anyone would think he'd just had the best day of his life. Perhaps he had?

He kept his eyes on Zayn and then got changed into some comfier clothes, tucking into his own warm bed. He took a moment and wondered about how the next morning would go, eyes still on the little boy in front of him. Would Zayn be big or would he be little? Would it be awkward and would they pretend that none of this ever happened? Would they discuss it? Liam hoped they would, he had some questions, like usual, and he wanted to treat the boy to make his little side a safer experience for him but not in an overwhelming way. He never wanted to do something like that.

He continued to think about his friends, and if they would ever be accepting of Zayn's little side if he introduced them. None of them had even met Zayn, as a whole, so telling them something like this would be far off and of course under Zayn's permission. He hadn't even ever invited them to his dorm before as he was ashamed of it, everyone else's dorms were nice and theirs looked a mess. He knew it was his own fault but he just didn't have the time or effort to clean up after himself. He began to think that maybe he should invite his friends to meet Zayn one day. They could all have a meal or something together, after all Zayn was in a sense, one of his friends now too. Liam's other friends though, were just like him, in the sense that they loved football and hanging around with other lads who were just like them, they loved meeting up with girls and partying until three in the morning. It was as though doing so was their culture as a jock in a university. He hoped Zayn would like them knowing that they were complete polar opposite's.

His bestest of friends though, was Niall. He had spent most of his time with the lad: Niall was very loud, sometimes obnoxiously and embarrassingly loud but Liam loved him nonetheless. They had been friends for as long as Liam could possibly remember and the whole reason they were at this specific university was because it was the only one they both got accepted into. The two of them wanted to share a dorm room but weren't put together which well and truly pissed Liam off and probably was also an added spark to his horrid behaviour towards Zayn. Looking back on it now, that all felt extremely childish and he didn't think he would ever be over his attitude towards Zayn in the past months.

If it came to it and Liam had to live without Niall, he doesn't think that he could do it, and that sounds stupid to say, he also knows that he shouldn't hold onto something like that because it was toxic but Niall has been there for the lad when his parents weren't. Niall was everything to him. When he needed someone to talk to, someone to listen, Niall was there. He had been through a lot, through truly unspeakable things and the only person he trusted with the knowledge of them was Niall. Niall knew of all his trauma, all of his secret moments. He knew and he understood in full why Liam was the way he was - he knew why Liam was hypersexual and he helped Liam to find safe ways to cope with his deep rooted trauma. At some point, it was like sex was therapy for Liam, and if that made him happy, Niall was there to support it.

Distracting his mind though, Liam thought about Zayn once more. How the boy was so soft and gentle, how he loved art and everything pastel, how he collected rocks and crystals and kept them at the side of the bed, how he loved dogs and Disney. It was all adorable and it felt as though he shouldn't be feeling like that for another man. Everything had felt so quick with Zayn and it was confusing him, it's like time just flied by whenever he spent any living moment with the boy. He wished he could talk about the boy with Niall but he didn't want to share Zayn's private information, he also didn't know how Niall would take him feeling this way over another man. He got the vibe that Niall would be completely okay with it, but he didn't feel confident to share it just yet. Maybe if he was drunk? He hadn't drank in a while though, that was one thing: since being friendly with Zayn, he hadn't felt the need to drink for the sake of it. Maybe drinking for fun, to celebrate and to party would be good to do though - a night out with his mates. That seemed a lot like fun, maybe Zayn could come to that? However, with further thought, Liam didn't think Zayn would be the type of person to get drunk and if so, he was probably a lightweight which could potentially be hilarious to witness. That was something for them to discuss in the morning.

Liam took a stretch and one more glance at the boy who was now facing the wall and deep asleep with his teddy beside him, before shutting his eyes himself and cuddling into the cozy, blanket. He was proud of himself for how he was able to so easily and quickly adapt to things today to support and help Zayn. He hoped that he didn't make too much a deal of the boy's little side, or even overwhelm him but he supposed that's what they'd also talk about tomorrow if Zayn was up for it. Eyes shut tight, the man fell asleep. Thoughts running around his mind and developing further within his sleep, turning into dreams.