The Trials of Loving Her

Confrontation Chapter 14

“Jason,” Helen said shaking me. “Get up, Sera’s here. Go after her before she leaves.” 

  I was shocked and confused when she told me Sera had come by. I went running out of the room and then down the hall without a clear moment to think. I then stopped as I reached closer to the stairs, watching Sera as she grabbed the handle on the door. She then stopped herself, turning around slowly as she heard the sound of my footsteps drawing nearer. She was wearing these really tight blue jeans, the ones with all the holes around. Her shirt was a really dark red with the lower half tied in a bow. She had me feeling all sorts of things as I looked at her.

    “Leaving so soon?” I asked, taking my time as I descended the steps.

   “I knew it had to be you when I heard your voice last night,” she said, walking toward me. “You look different, good different.”

   “I’ve been thinking for weeks,” I admitted. “What I would say to you if I ever saw you again.” 

   “There is so much I have to tell you,” she replied.

   “I woke up alone, in a strange place, asking for my wife. No one told me anything. Then a few weeks ago, I saw you give your vows to a stranger.”

   “I can explain,” she said, walking closer toward me before I stopped her.

   “You told him he was the best thing to ever happen to you,” I continued with anger taking a hold of me, “and that you couldn’t imagine spending your life with anyone else.” As much as I tried holding back my tears, I couldn’t.

   “Listen to me, Jace. I thought you were gone, that you left me and you weren’t coming back. I visited you every day for an entire year until everyone I knew convinced me to stop holding on. They all said I was loving a ghost and that you’d want me to find happiness with someone else.”

   “Then go,” I told her. “Go be with your happiness. It seems I’ve been dead to you for years.”

   “No,” she said running up to me, hugging me as tightly as she could. “I don’t want you to hate me,” she told me with tears fleeing her eyes. “Please don’t push me away.”

   “You did that when you agreed to pull the plug on me,” I reminded her as I stepped away from her, taking a seat on the steps.

   “I wish I could take it all back,” she replied, sitting next to me as she leaned against my shoulder. “I hated seeing how helpless you looked. It broke me when I couldn’t help you. The reason I agreed to let you go was because I know you’ve never lived your life halfway. It’s either all the way or none at all. I believed I was giving you a sense of peace.”

   “Sera, you are the love of my life. Now I know I was never yours.” I rose to my feet once again, wiping away my tears as she held onto my hand.

   “You know that’s not true, I did love you, with every part of me.” She said the words with surety as she stared deep into my eyes.

   “Did,” I muttered pulling my hand away from her. I left her there, walking toward the door as she sat there crying. “If I ask you to leave the man you now call your husband, to come be with me, would you do it?” I asked, turning to face her. She just stared at me saying nothing back.

   “Jace,” she responded, getting up to meet me. “I’m afraid I’ll say something and lose you forever.”

   “Lucy’s right, I’m just a stranger compared to a man you’ve been married to for the last five years,” I said staring into her eyes. “I have loved you since the day you walked into my home with that big ugly sweater of yours. I was angry and sad, but you made it all go away when you spoke to me.”

   “Jace, I can’t be with you,” she admitted, “I know it’s not what you wanna hear but it’s the truth. Arthur has been good to me throughout everything. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me. Forgive me.”

   “Now I wish I did die that day,” I confessed. “Then, I wouldn’t be here listening to the love of my life saying she’s in love with someone else.”

   “Don’t say that,” she said hugging me. “I’m happy you’re back. I’ve been praying for this to happen for so long. You’re gonna find somebody who’s going to love you more than I ever could.”

   “No, I won’t,” I said, taking a few steps back. “You’re my soulmate. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life chasing after something I know I’ll never find again.”

   “I can’t do this.” It was the last thing she said before running out of the house as more tears ran from her eyes.

   “I love you,” I whispered before closing the door behind her. 

  Afterward, I took my time walking back up to my room as I wiped away my tears. I found out she had left her number, the address of where she worked and the time she’d be available. I folded the piece of paper and I stored it in the first pocket in my wallet. When I got bored I took one of Lucy’s books from the shelf and I began reading it. It was called “Accepting Defeat for Dummies.” I read the first half of the first page and then I tossed it to the ground where it belonged. They lost me when they said there’s better waiting ahead. The person who wrote that book has clearly never met Sera. Without her, the world loses its value. Without her smile, her laugh, the place is in a sadder state. She is what makes the universe great. My universe, that is.”

   A while later, Frank came by for his midday appointment. He entered my room bringing along one six pack of Budweiser. He took his seat on the couch while tossing it on the bed next to my head. “I brought you something you might need,” he said. “Don’t tell anyone, I could lose my license.”

   “Your secret is safe with me, Frank,” I assured him while tossing one back to him. “You might be the coolest old man I know.”

   “I’m the only old man you know,” he joked. “Your sister told me you went out last night and got yourself shit face drunk. At least tell me you got some.”

   “No,” I said, “I almost did but I couldn’t go through with it.”

   “That’s a good thing,” he told me. “It means you’re still in love. What you shared with Sera was real.”

   “I saw her last night with the best thing that ever happened to her, she loves him. I would know; I was once there. I saw her again this morning.”

   “And how did you feel seeing her again, minus the downgrade she married?”

   “I was angry and happy all at the same time. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, and tell her how shitty the past few months have been without her. My mind wouldn’t let me. Instead I told her how I felt.”

   “That’s good,” he told me. “It’s good to not keep things bottled in. Would you take her back if given the chance?”

   “Without a second’s delay,” I confessed to him. “She doesn’t love me anymore. He’s her world now and I hate him for it. I know I shouldn’t, but how am I to live when someone else has my heart in their hands? She’s my heart, Frank, and without her I don’t work.”

   “In the end, after you’ve lived a long, fulfilling life, you have to ask yourself if you’ve made all the right choices. If the answer is no, then you’ve failed somewhere along the line.”

   “For as long as I remembered; I’ve only ever wanted one girl. She’s the love of my life, Frank, and I know that I could never love anyone like the way I love her.”

   “Why don’t you continue telling me that story of yours?” Frank suggested. “If I knew it all, I could better advise you on the steps you need to take moving forward.”

   “Alright Frank, your advice better be golden or I’ll be taking every cent back.”

   “As you were,” Frank replied.