Afraid

六

7:21...

She sat there, alone, scared, and hyperventilating.

The panic attack arose slowly, It started with the fear of Zach and his drunken friends breaking her door down.
The thought of what they'd do to her, how'd they take advantage of her frail body. She was trembling, the tears rolled off her face and wet the floor beneath her. She swore this was just her being weak and pathetic. She let the voices in her head convince her that she should be used to this abuse, it's happened all of her life. She should be numb, emotionless, or at least unaffected by these triggers.
She sat there, sobbing alone in the dark room, her window allowed the sounds of the city streets to fill the rest of the silence, but it didn't make her feel any less alone. A part of her brain was screaming for her father, even after all he did to her, she was silently begging for his violence to take care of this problem.
The other part of her brain screamed at her to just get up, take the knife and kill him herself, claim he ran away, do something. Stop this.
Stop this thinking, It's holding her back from breathing, drowning her.
She drank blood, ate flesh, she watched her father pin her mother down and choke her...yet a simple punch to the face has her on the ground panting like a poor, old dog.

The bare walls seemed to cave in on her, She could hear the sounds of the guests leaving to their cars. "Don't leave me alone with him.." she whimpered into her dark little space, she knew they couldn't hear her, but she prayed someone else would.

Just when she thought her panic was nearly over, when she thought the worst of the waves had subsided, the sound of approaching footsteps jump started her tired heart. She shakily grabbed the blade and brought herself off the ground, holding it away from herself as the door handle twisted and turned. It opened, slamming the handle into the wall, causing a small jump to rattle her shivering frame. Zach towered over her, he walked slow, Intoxicated, and confident that he could take her down, and if she wanted to remain under a roof and out of a facility she'd have to let him take her.

"Get the fuck away from me Zach." She warned, her eyes terrified slits, her voice shook the command, turning it into more of a plea.
Zach quickly grabbed her arm and shoved her onto her bed, she closed her eyes upon impact as her hand tightened around the knife. Zachary gripped his hands around her tiny wrists until it felt like her bones would be crushed. She tried moving, but the look in his eyes made her freeze.

'Don't make this hard..It's not the first time.' She tried to coax herself into submission, knowing it would be easier than putting up a fight. If she fought, she'd risk living in a mental home..if she let this go however, she'd survive long enough to end her life with her own hands.
She sat there, staring into his blue eyes like a doe in headlights. He didn't say a word, and that's what made it scarier. When he finally removed his hand, sure she wouldn't move, he quickly yanked down her ripped jeans, it hurt as they were torn from her already tired and injured legs. She knew what was happening, and she couldn't stop it. He ripped off her panties and closed her eyes, knowing she was exposed and knowing what was bound to follow.
She heard the familiar sound of a zipper, then laid there, tears streaming down her face as he huffed with his thrusts. It hurt, he was having his way with her and she was like a limp doll. All she could do was whimper and silently cry. She felt so weak, so pathetic, so scared. What if someone else found out? Would they call her a whore? Is this her fault? She could've fought back.. but she knew the risks. What if he ejaculated inside her? What if he got her pregnant? She couldn't afford a kid and if she had one then she'd end up back in a facility and the baby would be put through foster care, there was no way they'd allow her to get an abortion. Time was inconsistent, she couldn't tell how long she was there, but it felt like forever as she ran through her thoughts and fears. Luckily this man had some sense in his abusive, intoxicated, sick mentality and pulled out before any liquid dripped. He finished himself off on her floor right by her bed as she laid there, exspossd, tired, shaking, yet practically mentally numb.
The sick young male stood up, put his genitalia away and silently left her room, slamming the door shut.