Arid Ocean

3

"Okay,love you" I say to Tory as I walk from her house at 2am. Why? Beacuse I didn't want to be a burden to her and her parents. I really didn't want to. So now I'm walking somewhere I was yesterday. Park.

Thirty-five minutes go away and I'm sending a text to Tory that I made it safe, Zayn stayed at hers and I hope they're hooking or at least telling eachother bout their crushed beacuse I see that they are in love. My thoughts and hopes go away when she send me that she regrets letting me go beacuse Zayn is half asleep and I laugh.

I chat with her a few more and I let her sleep, I'm not going to school tomorrow. I don't want to, I won't and I don't have energy to. Suddenly I remember about my dog and I'm on my feet. I'm walking to my house right now, only to get my dog. Who knows what she will do.

I see Rocky outside and I gasp, "Let's go Ro-Ro. Cmere" I say and I put A string around him and I try to think where should I go now.

"I'm sorry buddy but we need to walk" I say to Rocky and pat him, then we start walking in the dark,three am not one alive being out, than us.

Three minutes in, Rocky needs to pee. Of course. I let him pee around like he needs to and I remember memories of him and Peanut. My poor poor baby. Anger and sadness hit me, but instead I just cuddle Ro. We really miss our Peanut.

Before, they used to jump and run around as I was standing and watching them being happy at twelve,one,two,three,four,five am. Who knows what time it was then. Depends on when I wanted to walk out of that house.

I hate my father. I hate him for what he did. I despise him. But he's dead. So I can't kill him. I want to kill him.

It's really not fucking fair that they didn't got in jail or something for what they did to u-me. They should have rot in jail until they died, but they didn't. W- I never told anyone but I sure needed to. Know they are dead, and what else can I do? Nothing. Nothing. 

Nothing, and it kills me. It kills me beacuse they killed two souls. Two souls that we're everything to me. They killed two souls that we're innocent. Didn't do anything. They killed them.

I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. They deserve to rot in hell. They deserve to rot.in.hell.

I furrowed my eyebrows when Ro and I got infront of the park, I see someone.

I see someone. I. See someone.

Someone, is sitting on the banch? Someone is sitting in the park. The park that only I go to. Literally, FUCKING NO ONE is coming here and what I see now? I see someone fucking sitting there. Before that someone could see me or Ro woofs i start walking away. Where? I don't fucking know.

*

I listen to wind , as it's moving tree's as I'm thinking about everything. It's another day, as I'm spending alone and in silence. It's another day or night, however you want to look at it, as I'm spending without anyone. Without..yeah, anyone. It's been like this for four years now.

I thought about what would someone think about me if they find out everything. Like I mean, everything about me.

Sometimes, silence is comforting. I don't need to listen about people's comments,insults and what not about me. Beacuse no one knows anything about me. And I might keep it that way. Even, My therapist doesn't know everything about me. Not everything..

I hate my life as much as I hate them. Beacuse of them I have a life like this, beacuse of them I had a life like I did.

No parent should abuse their child at that point that their child tries to kill themselves. No parent should even abuse their child. No parent should make their child hopes go in the water and disappear. No child should be depressed, suicidal and lost at that point that they don't know what they can do anymore. So, they don't do anything.