Arid Ocean

4

Thea

Since he died, I'm empty. My soul is empty, my heart is empty and ripped apart. I feel like it that. I mean, I was empty but now it's like the hole is bigger yknow?

So fucking empty that I can't explain you. We needed to not let go eachother, he needed to end with his college. He's all goals went dead beacuse of them. And then he went dead.

He is dead.

My brother is dead. My brother is dead. They killed him. Because of all the things they were doing to us, he committed suicide because of them. They killed him. They killed him.

They killed my brother and got away with it. They're dead. I can't do anything about it anymore. But I should. I should of done something.

But I didn't. They killed my brother and they died in peace. He didn't. He didn't died in peace.

They killed my sixteen years old brother. I had fourteen when he died. Since he died…I feel less.. existing.

I bang my head on the table that is in this abandoned park, I bang my head multiple times, how can I be this stupid? Why did I let them get away with it? Why! I'm so fucking stupid it's ridiculous.

"Stop that." Voice calls, soft but also rush. I look at the person that said that, and cold night weather occupies me. I look around the park until my eyes settle at the boy infront of me.

"Who are you?" Curiousity covers me as I look at the guy. I can't see his face clearly because of the tears and wind in my eyes but I see that he's tall and his hair is covering his forehead. That's all I see. I don't know, maybe his hair is also in his eyes. I wish I could see.

"It doesn't matter. Why are you here alone at two am?" He asks and I turn my head so he doesn't see me. I quickly get ride of my tears so I could see better. Also, I don't want him to see me cry. I didn't cry in a long time actually. Like, really long time. What is happening to me?

"I could ask you the same question" I didn't even know it's two am, for the past few days I am just…nowhere but also everywhere. Nowhere with my soul but everywhere with my body. Everywhere with my body because I walk all around and around the town.

What else can I do? What else should I do? I don't have anything to do anymore. My life is getting worse and worse by the day, which is not even weird to me. I don't even know how and why am I still here .

"Fair. But can you answer?" He asks and I shake my head at him

"Answer what?" I ask, his eyes are in brown, hazel brown and I could see it even in the dark. His hair is brown and thick, although it looks like he didn't brush it few days. Few pieces of his hair are getting in his eyes. Why is he here again? Why am I talking to him?

"My question. Why are you here at two am" he says but I don't answer and he nods

He sits infront of me and I furrow my eyebrows, "why don't you go away?" He doesn't need to be here. Why can't he just walk away? He also looks like he doesn't talk a lot and is dealing with something in his life. I'm good at reading people.

Maybe he's searching for a help. I hope he finds it, because I never did. I don't feel like I would. Who could possibly help someone who doesn't want to be saved?

"I'm Grey" he says and I respond with okay. Please go away. I'm not good at talking with people and I have anger issues, I could easily get mad at him and maybe even hurt him. I also don't care. That's the biggest problem. I don't care. I don't care what could happen to him or people 'around me'.

Just like my mother once told me, "You're so selfish! Don't you care what will happen to people around you when you kill yourself by OD or something?! Why don't you give a single shit for your life or people around you!?"