Arid Ocean

1

Thea

I walk out of my house as lights on streets became lighter cuz the lights turned on. In all silence in the dark I'm walking up my street to just walk around the town like I always do.

Sometimes, I end up even actually doing something. But tonight I don't feel it.

Sometimes, I end up going with Rocky but tonight I don't feel it.

Sometimes I used to go with Rocky and my other dog,Peanut. But I can't no longer do that. Beacuse Peanut died, four years ago to be exact.

And he died.. cruelly.

I sigh and then walk further until I am infront of the cracked,old park that no one is playing and going in anymore. Literally, no one. Except you. And that's why I'm coming. No one else but me.

I climb at toboggan so no one, not even random people that live here, sees me. Not that I would care if someone saw me. I almost groan at the thought that tomorrow is Monday and I need to go to school.

I mean, I don't need to but do I want to spend more days at home alone? Actually, maybe yes. But let's see what I missed in school. Also, I can see my friends.

Yeah, girl like me actually has friends. Tory and Zayn, I appreciate them and do love them, I really do but I don't really show it. I don't show almost any emotions and I'm good with that.

People annoy the crap out of me, even more when they're commenting me.

You look sad,are you okay?
Your eyes look tired/sad, blah blah
Your weird
And blah blah blah blah.

Sometimes I even talk back. Usually I just say fuck off or something or glare at them but when I'm actually to angry at world I burst with insults and what more.
Got that from my dead father, thanks for that old dude.

But honestly tho, they don't deserve my attention.

Ramona: Will you come tomorrow? I think you should ❤️ it will help believe me

Got a message from my therapist that my dead mother convinced to get me. I sigh at Ramona but then as I  remember about mom,my phone turns off.

Not only that she walked away from my life but she made me go to therapy and now she's dead. Left me with therapist as she was living her best life in Sweden as I was living hell in Vancouver. Still do.

Although she died before my father. Which means I was living with him until, year ago he died. When I was on his funeral, which I 'needed to attend' I didn't cried ner said anything. Although, people thought it otherwise and were saying that I'm really sad about his death and what else so I that's why I can't talk about him.

What they didn't know was that I never had anything good to even say about him. Sure, I could say how much of an asshole he was but why would I waste my words on him?

I got a notification from my phone, 5% it read, four am it read. So this is my sign to go home. I sigh and got off the toboggan ,I start walking to streets that are turning in my way and my own street.

*

Wave of smell and bottles on the floor, of alcohol hits me the second I enter my house.