Jesse Rutherford 🤤

Tell me

       .       WARNING MENTION OF S/H
Days have passed and I have not left my bed it was the weekend to luckily I didn't have work. Marney has brought me food but I wasn't eating any of it. Jesse has also been messaging me but I've been ignoring him. I felt so disgusting and used and all bc of Jesse. No one really knows my past except for Marney but I hate telling people my background bc thats how they judge me but it's nice to talk Abt it sometimes.

                          Y/n background

So basically I grew up with no father and it sucks. He left my mom and I when I was just a little girl. I really can't remember anything about him. I was an only child which kinda sucked. Moms so much different from me. We never get along either that's why I moved out when I was 17. Marney came and got me and we moved here. I'm now 21 and I thought I was more mature than what was going on now. I always loved reading but with growing up, you soon realize that there's no more time for all that. I used to play in band as well. I was an awesome clarinet player. I also played Viola for a little. I've only really fell in love once but it didn't mean anything to the other person. Once I was 10 I was raped by a close friend of mine. Their still out there being free but I don't care I've moved far away from them. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 15. Other then all of that my childhood was boring. I had stated to S/H and it had gotten bad but I was now a year sober and I had just ruined it.

                                  End

Jesse was spamming my phone but I put my phone on dnd and ignored him. I hate Jesse right now. He lied to me. I packed a bowl and smoked it when Marney walked in.

Marney: y/n you should come out and eat.

Y/n: I'm not hungry

Marney: but you haven't eaten anything in a couple of days.

Y/n: I'll eat later

And with that Marney walked out of the room.

                      Jesse's messages
Jesse: hey can I come over?

Jesse: I have some more weed

Jesse: everything ok?

Jesse: y/n answer me

Jesse: I'm coming over
                                 End

Jesse had also called me a number of times. But I just let the phone ring and I never picked up. Soon Jesse knocked on our apartment door and Marney told him to come upstairs but he needed to apologize and Marney explained everything to him.

He quickly ran upstairs not even knocking on my door and running in. Jesse sat on my bed looking at me and all the weed everywhere.

Jesse: y/n marney told me everything I'm so sorry I made you feel like that.

I didn't say anything u just turned my back on him.

Jesse: listen y/n please yk I would never try and hurt you. I didn't use you. The truth is had to head over that day bc the band texted me that Devon had done something and I didn't want to worry you so I lied and tried to leave calmly.

He then pulled me to him and grabbed my face and started to kiss me. For some reason I had kissed back. I didn't want to but at the same time I did want to. I parted ways with him and layed back down still not saying a word to him. I put my arm out forgetting about where I cut myself. Jesse picked up my arm and I hissed at the pain.

Jesse: y/n why are you doing this to urself

Y/n: bc I feel gross and idk I just wanted to feel the pain