Macdonald Hall #2: Go Jump in the Pool

What's on the menu?

"$844.50," Bruno announced as the last quarter clicked into the bucket. It was Sunday morning, and he and Boots were seated on the floor of their room counting the proceeds from the talent show.

"What's that dollar in your hand?" Boots asked accusingly. "Royalties for inventing the 'ugliest man in the world' skit?"

"Of course not!" Bruno replied, highly insulted. "Miss Scrimmage's is going to the Royal Ontario Museum tomorrow, and Cathy's going to buy us a lottery ticket while she's in town. A hundred thousand bucks. That'll pay for it four times over."

"I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that we might not win," Boots said.

"Not for a minute," Bruno replied serenely.

"How do we get the dollar to Cathy?"

"Same as always," Bruno told him. "We become the midnight marauders. Tonight after lights-out."

* * *

Mr. Sturgeon sat at the breakfast table staring distastefully at his jack-in-the-box. "Mildred," he said thoughtfully, "it's too bad the barracuda didn't win this thing. Everything else happened to her last night."

"Poor Miss Scrimmage," sighed Mrs. Sturgeon, pouring coffee for two. "It certainly wasn't her night. As if the eggs and the owl and the rabbit weren't enough, her well-bred young ladies proved how shy and demure they really are."

"Let's not be smug, Mildred. The reaction of our boys was nothing to be proud of. It leaves me with the problem of what to do about Bruno and Melvin."

"Why, let them continue their efforts, of course!" his wife exclaimed. "We've never had such school spirit!"

The Headmaster nodded in agreement. "Take a boy like Elmer Drimsdale," he said. "He's never taken part in anything before, and he's never had any friends. Bruno has brought him into the mainstream of things. I think all this fund-raising may be good for the school." He chuckled. "It's just not very good for Miss Scrimmage."

"Would you care for some French toast, dear?"

"No, thank you," her husband replied. "That Scrim-cake you made me eat last night hasn't quite gone down yet."

* * *

A dozen or so boys were gathered around the lunch table.

"That brings our total to $1,547.65," announced Elmer Drimsdale, "which is 6.1906% of our objective. We still need $23,452.35."

"At our present rate of income," said Chris Talbot, "by the time our pool is built our arthritis will be too severe for us to be able to swim."

"Not quite," said Elmer. "At our present rate, we will have twenty-five thousand dollars in approximately eleven months, two weeks and three days. Common arthritis does not develop so rapidly."

"Don't worry," Boots put in sarcastically. "Bruno is buying a lottery ticket. We're going to win a hundred thousand."

"Oh," said Chris. "Well, that's different."

"According to the odds," said Elmer, "I calculate that we have a better chance of being stung to death by bees than of winning first prize in the lottery."

"Given a choice," said Bruno, "I'd rather win the money. By the way, why is it that not one of you is down on his knees to me for that glorious show last night? It was my idea, after all."

All the boys began chattering at once.

"Boy, those Scrimmettes!"

"Elmer stole the show!"