The Fourth Horseman

Just a While Longer

I heard what Jay had said, but failed to properly process it in my mind. Ethan looked shocked and placed his head on my stomach as well to listen in. "Yup! Heartbeat!" His head moved up to my chest and he listened, "nothing up here."
I stuttered, "so what the fuck are yall saying? IM PREGNANT! Oh God no! How could this be happening to me, right now. How did the baby survive my transformation? How is a human baby alive and well in a vampires stomach?"

"That's no human baby darling. It may be Jay that got you pregnant, but it was both our blood that infused your body to change into vampire. That baby had the blood of Jay and my blood too."Ethan I ain't no cat got damn, I can't get pregnant by two men and anyways we haven't even fucked!"

"Nicole you are misunderstanding my brother. Yes, I impregnated you. The baby is technically mine, but when we saturated you with our blood, we saturated the baby as well. Is sounds like the heart is strong. It will be just like my brother and I. Half human, half vampire."

I was in shock. I put my head in my hands and leaned forward. Thoughts of madness were running rampant in my mind. I would have a child of death and war. A one of a kind baby from a one of a kind vampire. This was obsurd. This was astronomically insane. I tilted my head up and said " has this ever happened before? Has anyone ever been in this position? Will the baby be able to live, or will it die in my dead, rotting womb?"

Ethan spoke up, "Nicole your womb is far from dead or dying. The same thing happened to my mother when she was pregnant with Jay. His baby will be born just as he was. Do not worry so much."

I had just passed over the threshold of accepting my life as a vampire woman. I was barely to the point where I had begun to grow hope that I would be ok, find my way and learn to be happy with what I had become. I wasn't at a position to be imagining myself as a mother. I wasn't there yet. I trusted both the brothers confidence I was pregnant but I couldn't make it real for myself just yet. I had to let it settle, push it to the side for just a while longer, until I was ready to fully accept what was to come.

"Can we just pretend for a while longer I'm not pregnant. Just carry on for a while longer like this?" I said the words and as soon as they left my mouth Jay's whole demeanor changed. He was confused I wasn't as happy as he was.
"What do you mean Nicole, just make believe you aren't carrying my child? Just cast it to the side like it's of no concern to you? You may be freshly turned and still coming to grips with what you are, but that must be set aside now so you can grow my child. Once you give birth we can resume all the things that come along with being a vampire. For now, we have got to put the child first."

It was the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear, what I had hoped he would say. I was being selfish, wanting to put myself first this time and Jay was not supportive of that. "Look Jay, it's your baby, but it's my body. I will do as I please. You must accept this. I need some time! I'm not jumping right into the excitement like you, I am not ready to become a mother. That feeling hasn't hit me yet. I need to figure out who I am first before I can figure out who I will become as a mother."

Ethan spoke up as he put his arm around me. " I understand Nicole, the change is hard to experience. Jay has never turned anyone like I have. The flow of being a vampire comes with time. I have complete faith that you will be just fine. And when you are ready, we can think about our future with a child." He was the opposite end of the spectrum. He fully understood me and without question accepted my point of view.

I leaned into his embrace and Jay became furious. " don't do this Ethan, don't try to be the hero for Nic. I understand she has loyalties to you because of the change, but as my mate her loyalties should be stronger for me. Don't try and put a wedge between us, I can promise you it will not end well."

I was growing tired of their antics. They both talked about me like I wasn't around. Like I wasn't hearing the conversations about me when I was fully present. I pushed away from Ethan and stood. "Now listen here boys, yall keep talking about me like I'm not apart of the conversation. My feeling toward Jay are entirely different from my feelings for Ethan. Jay is my mate, my one true love. That will not change, I am loyal to him. Ethan you are my friend, my master through blood. I have loyalties to you as well, but all of them are created through your blood and the change. Jay my feelings for you are natural, my choice unhindered by the blood. The blood makes it stronger and deeper, but still I chose. I would willing die for you both. One because of true love and one because of obligation."

I paced around the fire looking up at the tall trees. The fog was getting thicker and I could tell we were only a few hours away from sunrise. "I want to go home." Was all I said as I crossed my arms around my chest angled away from the brothers. I wanted to get back to my little house in the country. Surrounded by farmlands and forest, this house was all I knew. It was the house I grew up in and was left to me by my parents when they died. I made it my own over the years and I loved it. I needed to get back there. I could only hope I would find what I needed to ground myself inside those four walls.