The Asset: The Beginning and End of the Winter Soldier

Chapter Ten

"You aren't trying James!" Okoye said sharply as he hauled himself to his feet, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

"You'd better not be trying to go easy on the General," Ayo admonished.

"I'm not," he muttered. "I'm trying,"

"Are you?" Okoye studied him appraisingly. He just stood, waiting for her to verbally take him down, much as she and the other Dora Milaje had physically taken him down during the training.

"It is an honor to train with the Dora Milaje," Okoye said. "No outsider has ever been allowed to do so. Ever."

"And I am honored," he responded sincerely.

"But you hold back."

"I didn't think I was..." but he knew she was right; he just hadn't intended to hold back when the training had begun.

"Is it that you fight one handed?"

They had deliberately not given him the new vibranium left arm for the training, which was a setback, but not one that would make him hesitate. He'd fought with one arm before. He shook his head. All the Dora Milaje present stared at him, no one speaking, waiting for his explanation. He forced himself to really self-reflect, to confront why he was hesitating.

"I don't know how to fight anymore as just....me. I only know how to fight like the Winter Soldier." He winced at how pathetic he sounded. "I'm worried about possibly allowing the Winter Soldier to take over again."

"And you want to fight as James Barnes, not as the Winter Soldier," Okoye said.

"Yes."

"If you are James Barnes, and not the Winter Soldier, why does any technique need to be forbidden?" Okoye's eyes were shrewd as she continued to size him up.

"I don't want to," he paused, feeling more pathetic, "kill."

"You killed in the war, with Captain Rogers."

He acknowledged this truth with a nod. "That was different."

"Yes, different than slaughtering the innocent at Hydra's command," she said brusquely. "Which you will never do again. Do you intend never to fight again?"

He was surprised by the question, though he knew he shouldn't be. "I don't know," he said in complete honesty.

Okoye and Ayo exchanged a look. He expected to be told he was not worthy of such training or even the time and energy they were putting toward removing Hydra's conditioning. As he'd once told Steve, he didn't know that he was worth all of it anyway.

"And if we tell you that you are a true soldier, even a warrior, because we see it in you, what would your response be?" Okoye asked with a gentleness that made him frown in surprise.

"I'd ask how you could be so sure."

She smiled slightly. "We are more sure of you than you are of yourself. Yes, not long ago the Winter Soldier emerged, due to immersing yourself in those memories, seeing through his eyes. You have been steadier since then, probably because you are determined never to let it happen again. Now, you need to trust yourself in battle, soldier. Even a mock battle."

"To what end? What if I don't want to ever fight again? You'll force me?" He challenged her, feeling his previous uncertainty fade in the rush of resentment.