A Dogs Love

Sleepless Nights

I didn't fall asleep, I stayed up, thinking about Bella.
It has been like this almost every night since the hospital.

I don't think that memories are always a good thing. Some haunt me. Some nights when I stay up thinking about her I wonder why we had to make so many memories together. I know it sounds selfish.

The fewer memories the less you get hurt when they're gone.

Ew, This sounds like something my parents would say.

Why did all that grief have to be on me? And when I say all I mean all, because not like my mom misses her. I bet she even wishes that I had also been shot in that mall so she wouldn't have to know I exist anymore. I don't blame her, there are days when I wish that too.

Don't get me started on my dad. He was out drinking when she took her last breath. When his daughter died. He was never there. He didn't care about any of us, not mom, not Bella, and most definitely not me.

That's why I needed to get away as soon as I graduated, and I did. But nothing better awaits me here.

When I finally got out of my thoughts I looked at the clock, 8 am. Perfect. The puppy adoption ad said to be there at 9 am to have a look at the pup.

I got out of bed, well, this hasn't been a bed for a while, more like a flat soft surface where I could lay down and make myself comfortable so all the memories and thoughts of my sister that happened to be dead could come crawling back and suffocate me. Yeah, that sounds about right.

I put on the pants I was wearing from yesterday, luckily no coffee got on them. They were the only grey sweatpants I had left. I used to have two but I accidentally got syrup on them at the bakery and I didn't have the energy and motivation to go through the progress of washing them so I just straight up threw them away.

Unfortunately, I got no shirt to wear, my favorite shirt is covered in cold brew and salted caramel. Great I'll have to go with the ugly oversized sweater that I bought like three years ago when I had no money or fashion sense, Well it's not like I have any more money now but I have a tad bit of fashion sense at least.

I threw my shirt and overused Converse on, I'll have to eat later. What was the time? I looked at the clock for the second time this morning. 8:30, I grabbed the sheet of paper on the kitchen table, I figured if it takes thirty minutes to walk I have to start right now. I put my keys in my pocket and began trying to find the address of the current keeper of the pup.

I've been walking for around twenty minutes now, and I should be getting closer, I walked past Starbucks like five minutes ago, and my five senses really wanted coffee since I wasn't able to get myself some yesterday, I knew this would happen. But my priority wasn't a cup of coffee, it was securing that puppy.

I don't exactly have a plan, it's not like I can afford a dog right now. But I'll just have to wait and see. The only thing I know for sure is that I need to adopt Bells.

I don't know what had gotten into me, I guess I just took it as a sign yesterday when I saw the ad, I mean it can't be a coincidence, maybe it is true what Dr. Mary said. Every ending is a new beginning.

Wait am I there yet? I got so lost in my thoughts I forgot where I was going.  I looked at the paper I had written yesterday, wait yeah. I'm here.

I saw a car parked outside, it looked like it was expensive. But honestly, I don't know anything about cars.

I walked the porch up to the door. Should I knock?

I was about to knock when the door suddenly burst open. Fuck. It was the guy from the coffee shop, holding the pup.