Back To You - N.B & D.D

Chapter / Seven

DIXIE JANE DAMELIO

Improvement; an example or instance of improving or being improved.

"I'm ok. For the first time in what seemed to be forever, I'm actually ok."

"Are you happy?" Dixie shook her head, although she wasn't upset. Not about her answer. "I'm not. But my point is that I'm getting there." Dixie was finally at peace. With herself. Her life. It wasn't perfect, but she had learned it was hers, and she needed to appreciate everything that came with it. All the ups, and all the downs.

"I'm so tired of wasting my life because of a man who clearly didn't deserve me. He would have returned to me if he was meant to be. But he didn't."

Part of her had still hoped what she was saying would come back to prove her wrong, but also the bigger part of her realized she needed to move past her biggest heartbreak. It wasn't worth it. Moping wasn't going to help her. Only she would. Her confidence and ability to get back out there again, especially.

"Amazing Dixie!" She smiled, her dimples only slightly popping through her cheeks. She had forgotten they existed. Sad, really.

"Progress is slow and hard, but you've shown a great amount, and I'm very proud of you." A small spark lit up in her eyes as she let her achievement soak in. She was good. She was good for the first time in a year and a half.

"The next step is putting yourself out there again. You obviously had your relationship with Jaden, but now it's time to explore more potential relationships with your new mindset." She nodded, imagining herself with someone different. Someone who made her just as happy. Maybe even happier. "It doesn't need to be long-term. This time should be spent as a trial. Kind of as a way to figure out what you want, and what best works for you."

She let the words soak in while she tapped her leg against the hardwood floor that covered the room. "Wouldn't I be a hoe if I did that?" Her therapist chuckled at the question. Dixie had probably been her most challenging client. Dixie was aware of that, though.

"No you wouldn't Dixie," she said, her laugh still bubbling in her throat while she spoke. "This is an experiment. It's only bad if you make it bad."

She furrowed her brows in confusion. "How do I not make it bad?"

"Don't toy with their emotions. Make it very clear what your intentions are, and if they understand, then good, if they don't, find someone who does." She nodded her head in understatement. "Ok, but if I break some men's hearts, it's gonna be your fault, doc."

"Hey, being a heartbreaker isn't too bad either. You'll have power."

Power. Power was desired. Everyone wanted to have power. To be feared by others who weren't as worthy as them. It was life. Like a ranking. There were people in this world who held more power than others. That was our economy. That was everything that our world is based on.

"Do you want to have power?" Her therapist questioned after she noticed Dixie's silence. "I mean, doesn't everyone? It would be nice. Not having to be run over by anyone else, I mean. I think it would be a nice change of pace."

The therapist shook her head in agreement, smiling not only at herself but at Dixie. She was proud. Kind of like a mother who had just seen her child ride a bicycle for the first time.

Dixie's progress was slow, and it was a roller coaster filled with ups and downs. But it was progress nevertheless, and it made Dixie happy. It made her feel worthy. Worthy of the happiness she seemed to have forgotten she deserved. Happiness that other people always ripped away from her.