Back To You - N.B & D.D

Chapter / Eight

NOAH TIMOTHY BECK

"Hi, baby." Grace looked at me amusingly. It was the type of look that would make any man go insane. I didn't though. I didn't go crazy. I just wanted to leave, and get the conversation over with.

"Hey, I'm kind of busy right now." She frowned, her features saddening, darkening. I had been pushing her away, and I know it. But I also couldn't help it. I had too much on my plate. Too much stress, and too many decisions.

"You always are." Her tone irritated me. More than it should have. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I snapped back, placing the paper I had been holding in my hands, down on the table. My tone confused her. Scared her, even. She looked disappointed. Disappointed in me. Our relationship.

"I mean that you show no interest in me anymore. You're acting like a full-on dick Noah." She was right, and I knew it. I knew that I had been distant. Rude. Acting like a dick was even an understatement.

"I know you've been working a lot, I understand that, but I'm important too. At least I should be." I sighed at the thought of making her feel like shit. I didn't want to. Not that I could control that, though. It was as if everything that had been going on in my mind reflected how I acted. Towards Grace especially.

"Work is important, Grace. I don't know what you expect from me." She sighed, rubbing her temple. "I expect you to show me love! Like any other typical fucking boyfriend would!" 

"How the fuck am I supposed to show you love if I don't fucking love you?!" She flinched at the heartlessness in my tone. I hated myself almost immediately after the words left my mouth. "You don't love me?" I didn't say anything in reply. I couldn't. How was I supposed to reply now after I had told her I didn't love her? There was no going back after that. 

"Why couldn't you say anything before? Instead, you- you've been dragging me around like I was some sort of puppet that was going to oblige to everything you say. Is that what you wanted to do? Use me?" The hurt in her voice was apparent, but I could tell she was staying strong. She was strong, I could give her that. 

"I never meant to use you Grace, I just-" She cut me off quickly. "I don't need your excuses. They won't help you get out of that deep hole that you've dug for yourself." I knew it. I was too far gone, and there was nothing I could do to fix what I had done, and who I had hurt. 

"You can talk to me when you're ready to be a man Noah. If you miss your ex so much, you can go back to her, just don't use me like I'm worthless, because I deserve someone so much better than that. Better than you." Everyone deserves better than me. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I know that's not worth shit now, but I'm saying it because I really am. I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to love you. To treat you like how you deserved to be treated. I'm sorry that I couldn't do that. I'm really sorry." 

I knew it meant nothing. When I saw her sustaining her tears, I knew we were done. I knew she was ready to get away from me and put our whole relationship passed her. 

"It's a little too late for you Noah. This is done." Her voice was quiet but demanding. I knew that she meant every word that was being said. "I deserve that," I whispered, wanting to at least see some part of her that felt bad. One part that would maybe change her mind and give me one more chance. But even I knew I didn't deserve that chance. 

"Yeah, you do." And just like that, she walked out. She turned her back on me and I knew she was strong enough to know that she needed to keep walking. Walking until she got far away from me. 

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To loathe; feel intense dislike or disgust for.

I hate myself. What I've done. Who I've hurt. I hate all of it. I hate how I had everything, only to be a dumbass and lose it all within one heartbeat. 

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Bryce asked me as he watched me pace around the corners of my room. Recently, life had felt like it's been hanging by on a thread. A thread that if it touched even the slightest bit of heat, would snap. 

"Bro I don't fucking know. If I knew would I have called you?" I didn't expect him to help. He couldn't. It's not like he knew how I felt, and what would make me feel better. God knows no one can help me with that part of my life. 

"Are you sad that Grace dumped your ass?" I was able to let out a laugh. It was little, but it helped. Helped me realize who I really longed for. Who I should have never let go in the first place. "No. Fuc- Maybe. No." I went back and forth for a while. Everything was messing with my head. It told me one thing, and then the next second it was telling me the other. 

"Then why the fuck are you losing your shit?" I paced quicker. I could feel the ticking of my heartbeat ringing in my ears. 

"I don't know Bryce. I don't what the fuck I did, and why the fuck I did it. I had everything, man." I knew he felt pride in himself hearing my answer. He was right. He knew it all along, and I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to admit I was an idiot. 

"I told you, bro. I told you as soon as you broke up with her." I sighed. I shouldn't have even broken up with her in the first place. 

"I know. I'm a fucking dumbass for letting her slip through my fingers." 

"It's not too late you know, maybe you can fix this." I laughed at even just the thought of her hearing me out. It was too late. I knew that now. 

"Fix what exactly Bryce? Fix the relationship with the girl that I broke up with one year ago. She hates me." 

"It's never too late bro. Just don't be a chickenshit and get your life back together." 

If only it was that fucking easy.

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A/N: HIIIIII!! I KNOW I SAID I WOULD UPDATE ON MONDAY..... AND WELL IT'S NOT MONDAYYY, BUTTTTT, I DID UPDATEEE!!!!  To be completely honest, I feel like this chapter is shit, but either way, ya'll seem to like my ass writing, so I hope you enjoy<3 If you did, make sure to vote and comment, it really means the world to see what you guys think!! XOXOXO<333