Across the Universe: A BFDI Oneshot Collection

Discommunication Aliens

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"You ever wonder—"

"For the last time, Yeh-Lowfaic," Bell groaned, "we're here to get supplies for the ship. Fol-Dee, Stei-Pee, and Mar-Kurr are staying behind on quote-unquote 'guard duty,' even though they're more than likely just playing video games, Fryze and Puff-Boll are probably either bickering over the price of a bag of cheese curls or making out in the bathroom right now, and I'm stuck with you trying to figure out which kind of milk Commander Feiv wants us to get."

"Hey!" Lowfaic crossed his arms and gave her a pouty face. He turned away with an exaggerated huff. "I was just asking. No need to be so harsh, Iota."

"That's the fifth time you've asked! In the span of TWO MINUTES!" Bell yelled back, her voice echoing throughout the store and causing more than a few employees and customers alike to turn their heads. "And don't call me Iota. Just hearing the name makes me feel like I'm back in the Engineer again."

"Why don't you like the Engineer?" he asked, curiosity piqued.

"Because back then, I didn't have a body and I was stuck with a moronic bootlicker, a sarcastic chatterbox, a sarcastic jerk, an overly competitive smart-aleck, and my paranoid twin. Now shut up and let me think."

"But you can't—"

"Process, okay? Iterate, run, execute, whatever word makes you understand, just shut up!"

"Hmph! Fine!" Lowfaic turned away again and walked off. "I'll just third-wheel Fryze and Boll then!"

"Good!" Bell called back. "And while you're at it, do us all a favor: tell those two we're out of rubbers, yeah?"

When he didn't respond, she sighed in relief and rubbed her forehead. It was always such a pain to try to communicate with that guy, and she didn't need him embarrassing her in public and making everyone look at them like they were aliens—even though they technically were.

She shook it off and turned back to the freezer in front of her. "Goat milk, rice milk, hemp milk, almond milk, breast milk, soy milk, oat milk, pistachio milk, coconut milk, cashew milk, pea milk..." she muttered to herself. "GB, have mercy. When I was training my neural network, the Engineer only had good old-fashioned cow milk. Uh...let's see, how about...hmm, no...ah! Let's get—wait, shoot, no, that didn't work so well last time..." After staring at the freezer for a few more seconds, she shook her head. "Screw it, I'm calling Commander Feiv."

She rested her hands on her hips and hummed in thought as a long, thin, black antenna started rising upward from a circular protrusion near the back of her neck. Once the antenna bumped into the store's ceiling, she asked, "Commander Feiv? This is Cadet Bell; do you read me?"

A few moments passed before she heard the familiar crackle of static and her commander's voice. "I read you, Bell. What's going on?"

"So, the store has, like, twenty types of milk," she explained. "There's goat milk, rice milk, hemp milk..."

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"Oh!" Koi-Nee exclaimed as he walked up to FR33-F's tag in the warping lot just outside the store. "Well, isn't this a convenient surprise?"

Knee-Dyl nodded and looked up. "Hmm. Feiv must be taking her cadets on a supply run today." She looked at Nee and jerked her head upward. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

Nee raised his eyebrows, then checked his watch. "Uh...eh, why not? We got time."

"E-excuse me? Sir?"