Across the Universe: A BFDI Oneshot Collection

Remote Is Dead

Hiss.

"Yah-da, ya-la-ta-ta..." Remote sang to herself, strutting into the mess hall. She had booted up on the right side of the charger today, and she was feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. "It's a good day to be..." —she paused to think for a moment before smiling again— "...not dead!"

Pew!

"POW!" Pyll-Oh exclaimed, blasting Remote point-blank in the side of her head with her blaster. "You are dead!"

Remote's body clattered to the floor while she floated up in her Delta AI hologram form and stared at it in disbelief. "I AM DEAD!" she screamed in horror.

Oh chuckled devilishly to herself before noticing another person's humming in the distance gradually getting closer. "Aw, shucks..." she muttered and tossed her blaster under a lunch table.

"Bum, ba-bum-bum, ba-bum, bum-bum..." Teir-Ree "Tree" sang to himself while sauntering toward the mess hall exit door near where the other two were, carrying a cardboard box containing a metal shelf that he was going to mount on his quarters' wall. His steps ground to a halt when he saw Remote's body on the floor and Oh shrugging with an innocent smile. He gasped loudly, dropped the box on the floor, and cried, "Remote is DEAD!"

"Yes," Delta confirmed, still staring at her body. "I am dead!"

Tree threw out his hands in utter confusion. "Why is Remote dead?!"

"I dunno," Oh answered with another shrug.

Delta held up a finger and said, "I think it was—"

"SHH!" Oh and Tree commanded. "You are dead!"

"...Okay," Delta said as she looked between the two of them, confused. She soon shrugged and proceeded to temporarily glitch in and out of existence.

Just then, they heard the hissing of the airlock closing down the hall. Not long after, the door opened to reveal Pi-Tynn flying into the mess hall, her jetpack and spacesuit still on. "What's up, guys?" she asked cheerfully. She touched down on the floor and pointed her thumb back toward the airlock and the rest of the jetpacks and spacesuits. "Who's up for a..."

Her eyes soon landed on Delta and she blinked. "...AH! What the...bloody hell just happened?!" she said, looking down at the body.

"Remote is dead," the other two answered.

"Remote is dead?" Pi repeated.

Tree pointed at Pi and nodded. "Correct!"

Pi gasped and smiled for a moment before Tree cleared his throat and sat down on a nearby lunch table. "So," he asked both of them, "did you see the murderer?"

"No. Sorry, mate," they both replied.

He slammed his hand on the table and stood up. "I will find them," he growled, "I will capture them, and no one will ever die again!"

Oh and Pi looked at each other, nodded, and clapped their hands, impressed. "Ah, well, that's nice." "I am damn proud right now."

"ATTEEEEEEEEEEEENTION!"

Oh, Pi, Tree, and Delta's heads all whirled around looking for Commander Forr, but instead, it was only Blak-Holl who came walking into the scene. "Remote is dead!" he told the other four, pointing at Remote's body.

Tree gave him an unimpressed look. "We know," he deadpanned.

"Who killed her?"

"We don't know."

Holl crossed his arms and stroked his chin for a moment. "I will find clues!" he finally declared. His eyes drifted around the mess hall until they landed on Oh's discarded blaster under the table. "What's that?" he asked. He reached under the table and held it up.