Boys in Pieces

Stars upon his face

TW: Brief mention of death, a character's own death. 

"Remember the ducks?" Sirius was holding a red cup filled with a rancid mixture of liquors, occasionally taking the smallest sips.

"Sirius, you're bloody mad right? How could I possibly forget? You fucking took three ducks as pets! Pregnant ducks. They shat everywhere." James rolled his eyes, reminding his friend of the poor decision he made last year to take in three pregnant ducks as pets. "Ducks aren't even allowed! At least I don't think so." James shrugged and walked off, his face filled with concentration as he tried to remember if ducks were on the list for approved Hogwarts pets.

Sirius stood against the wall, leather jacket outlining his frail silhouette in the light as he stared off in the distance. It was Ravenclaw's turn to host the party, and Merlin could they throw a good one. Sirius's natural charisma had been attracting girls all night, but one in particular stuck out. Isabella Parker was a Ravenclaw fourth-year student, one of the brightest in their class. Their hair was always kept, their coils framing their face in the best way. They were beautiful, and one of the kindest souls Sirius knew. He fancied them for years, and when they turned him down, it broke him. To be fair, he was 13 and had no sense of what "love" was, but he was devastated nonetheless. They were known as Rissy, a nickname that had stuck since second year when a first-year Hufflepuff struggled to pronounce their name.

"So, what's up with you?"

"Mhm? Oh hey Riss." Sirius offered them a small smile, his mind focused elsewhere.

" You look beat, everything alright?" Rissy eyed Sirius, his slightly disheveled hair and low-maintenance outfit- knowing this was not him. Sirius looked over to Remus who was practically fuming at this point, his hand about to squish his cup. Rissy's eyes followed Sirius's, looking at Remus. "Ah," They took a sip of their drink and smiled. "What's got you so out of it? Are you in love or something?" Sirius looked away from a glaring Remus, looking Riss in the eye. His silence spoke volumes, but he was worried it said the wrong thing.

"Er- no, definitely not! He's a guy, and well I'm a guy." Sirius heard the quiver in his voice, and he could only hope they didn't notice.

"So?" Riss never took their gaze from Sirius, making sure to let him know they were listening. That's all he needed right now, for someone to listen. His morality was conflicted and so were his feelings. Growing up, he was taught that men should be with women- and anything different was disgusting. But the Potters, they didn't care. They never pressed their values unto him but made sure that he knew what they would and wouldn't tolerate. "Sirius, that shit doesn't matter. Not to me, not to him. Trust me."

Sirius didn't say a word, and if he did, it wasn't the right one. His feelings were scattered. He had no idea if he was in love with Remus, or if he just found him attractive- which raised another question: does he find both men and women attractive? Or is it just men? Just women maybe? He had no clue, and frankly, it bothered him quite a bit. Sirius had always had all aspects of his life and personality figured out for him, and now that he needs to figure things out for himself, he had no clue how to go about that.

"You know, it's okay to not know. That's normal." Sirius looked to Riss with confusion, wondering how they'd know. "I'm here with my girlfriend." They pointed to a blonde Ravenclaw, the one dancing with her friend on the table. Sirius mouthed an ' ah' as his gaze subtly returned to Remus.

"Honestly Riss, I have no idea what I feel. I know one thing, it's not the same way I feel for James or Marlene or you," He extends his hand to motion at the three; "It's different. But not like a bad different, like a good different, but I don't know what kind of different. Like Merlin, I could stare at him all day, but I don't know if that means anything. He's so bloody attractive Riss, but like I can say the same about James o-or Longbottom! It's just so fucking confusing." He took a sip of his horrible concoction, grimacing at the initial taste and burn.