because i liked a boy

prologue

On the dreary coast of Honolulu, Ron Weasley cloaked himself in a Disillusionment Charm.

He scrutinized the stretch of waxen sand in front of him, squinting through a pair of Muggle shades.

Far in the distance - resting beneath a cliff that looked as if it could topple over with a light push - what looks to be a shack balanced on four steady wooden pegs. With further assessment, Ron concluded with a series of complicated wand movements that the target rested inside.

He trekked onwards, kicking sprinkles of sand over his footprints every few steps or so.

In the great beyond, the ocean crashed against the shoreline in a ripple of dark waves, reflecting the dark clouds that rumbled from above.

An assortment of colorful leis was tossed over the edge of the cabin balcony, seeming as if they were slovenly thrown together rather than threaded with delicacy. The faint drull of morning news drifted through an open window, blending with what seemed to be the latest pop hits.

Ron smoothed down his Auror robes one last time - flattening every wrinkle and fold with care - before drawing his wand and blasting open the door with a croaky, "Bombarda!"

Wood planks sprayed across the floor, coating the carpet in a chalky substance.

"The door was unlocked," an unimpressed voice drawled from beside him.

He swiveled around - a spell on the tip of his tongue - aiming his wand at the target as they hopped off of one of the abnormally bright pink barstools. His jaw dropped. "You've got to be joking."

"Unfortunately, it's not April Fool's yet," the figure shakes their head solemnly, flicking a stray curl off of their forehead. "I must say, it's a pleasure to have an Auror dining in the Riddle Me This café today. What can I get ya? A coffee?"

"They sent me on a greeting trip?" Ron spluttered angrily, face turning the same color as his unruly ginger hair. "And who even names their café such a ridiculous name, anyways? What is it, a tribute?"

"I suppose," the figure shrugged nonchalantly, slipping behind a glass counter and plucking a bread roll from a basket made of twine, offering one to the befuddled Auror.

His eyes narrowed, accepting the pastry with discretion before tapping it twice with his wand. The figure snorted, but did not comment as he tucked his wand back into its holster, sliding his sunglasses off of his head and clipping them onto the collar of his crimson-colored robes.

"To who?" The ginger asked, speaking through crumbs as he finished the roll in less than a bite. "The deceased Dark Lord?"

Koz Potter smiled, displaying a row of pearly-white teeth.

Ron fainted.