Meet Me Half Way

Chapter 16

Friendship is a two-way street. That's what I was told at 14 years old. Come on. I know your mom just wrote that whole paragraph to me. Stop trying to act like you're so much more mature than you are. It's funny when friends decide to stop hanging out. It's kind of like a breakup. Like someone cut you open and took your heart out. It leaves you feeling hollow and depressed. Broken friendships go you sitting on your bedroom floor crying to yourself, wondering what you did wrong. I laugh about how I wasted tears for the ones I used to call my friends. The first love you experience is friendship; look how well that turns out.

Luke wasn't in the library the next day. I even looked around to see if he was at another table, but he wasn't. I've never felt more of a weight on my chest than I do right now; I felt so empty and alone. It was stupid. I hate feelings.

Hannah wasn't at the dorm when I got back last night, and she left a sloppy note on my desk telling me she was spending the night at Calebs.

I started getting hot, the sun beating down on me through the window. Usually, Luke was there to block it.

Instead of doing homework, I decided to draw. It was stupid, and I don't know why I was doing it. I lightly gripped the pencil, as Luke told me to, and I let my arm move freely.

By the time I was done drawing, I had made a decent rose. It wasn't as good as Luke's, but it was better than my last attempt.

The thoughts of what my life has come to wouldn't leave me alone.

I felt nauseous, and I liked him so much. Why did I like him? Why does he have such a hold on me? He understood me, and he didn't try to act like someone he wasn't. He saw me for who I was; he could see my vulnerability without me even having to explain myself. He knew what I was feeling, and he knew when not to push for an answer; he was okay with silence, and he was okay with me.

I closed my eyes, letting a memory enter my mind.

"Harley, you can't let Lindsey use your makeup. She is too young, and I can't afford to buy twice as much." My mom shouted down the hall.

"Mom, I didn't allow her. She just took it."

My mom made a slight humming noise as she walked back to the kitchen. She looked tired. Age was setting into her hair and face. She wore her hair in a loose bun. I've rarely seen her hair any other way besides a bun. Her clothes were always old, showing stains and faded colors.

"What was that about?" Colin questioned as he spun around in my desk chair.

I rolled my eyes as I plopped down on my bed. I shared a room with Lindsey, but she always spent the night at her friends' houses.

"Mom thinks I gave Lindsey my makeup voluntarily."

Colin smiled and shook his head, "Of course, Lindsey took your makeup. She can get away with anything, and she knows it. I don't know how she has mom and dad wrapped around her finger. It's not like she's the youngest. Gabe is. Dawson is also considered the middle child."

"Why does it feel like mom hates me sometimes?"

"She once told me that you remind her the most of dad."

I felt something hit my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I turned to see Luke next to me at the table. How long was he sitting there?

Luke's hair was damp with sweat. It looked like he had changed his clothes, though.

He gestured to his camera bag, "I had to hop over to the baseball field. I wanted to take some pictures of the practice. But, unfortunately, the sun kept giving me a bad glare, so I had to move throughout the stands and perimeter."

I suddenly felt stupid for thinking that Luke had ditched me. He was doing his job.

"Oh, yeah, that's fine," I said gently.

He tilted his head and looked closer at me, "Are you okay?"

I pulled my hair into a loose ponytail; it suddenly felt hotter than usual in the library.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears, but I couldn't help. Finally, one slid halfway down my cheek, exposing my true feelings.

I felt Luke's thumb instantly. He gently brushed the tear away.

"Harley, you can talk to me," he said reassuringly.

"I never talk about my feelings, not even to Hannah. The only person I talk to is my brother Colin." I stared at him expecting annoyance or hurt, but I could only see patience. "I practically raised my siblings, my dad was a drunk, and my mom was mentally absent most of the time. I feel so broken like I can't love, and I'm not sure why. I'm unsure if it's because of my childhood or just me."

Luke placed a hand on my leg and looked at me, "Harley, I think you are capable of love. You need to find the right person. Don't feel pressured to love someone you don't. If there is anything I learned from my father, it's not to let negative people bring you down. My father was very hard on my two brothers and me. Both of them played baseball in college and went to business school. That was my father's dream for all of us. I, on the other hand, found photography more enjoyable than baseball. Yes, I love the sport, but it wasn't for me. That's actually how I met Spencer. We both played on the same travel team. I told my father the only way I was going to business school was if I could do photography instead of baseball. He hated me for a long time, and he probably still does. On the other hand, my younger sister got off with doing whatever she wanted because she was the youngest. I'm getting off-topic. The point I'm trying to make by telling you this is you have to face it. I met my father, and I chose photography. I decided what I wanted. You have to face it, and you have to face love head-on. You can't be scared; you can't let your mother hold you back. I promise you, Harley, you are terrific."

I couldn't even comprehend what he said. All I could do was lean myself forward. I cupped my hand on his cheek and leaned in. His lips were warm and salty from being out in the sun. He took a moment to respond, but once he did, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in closer. All the times I've wanted to run my fingers through his hair, I finally could. I could feel him smile against my lips as I grazed his hair.

He backed away first, looking ashamed. He stood up frantically, grabbing at all of his supplies.

"I'm so sorry, Harley. I think the emotions just got the better of us. I don't want to ruin anything you have with Spencer. I'm so sorry." Luke babbled on as he shoved things into his backpack.

I grabbed his hand, pulling him to me.

"Did you mean it?" I asked, searching his eyes for an answer. But instead, all I could see was panic and sadness.

He shook his head as he pulled away from me, "I didn't."

The words hit me like a wave. I felt like curling up on the floor and disappearing from humanity.

I knew he could see the hurt in my eyes because he dropped his gaze and looked at the ground, "I'm sorry, Harley, it's been an emotional day. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I watched him walk away. I felt like screaming out, telling him not to leave me, but I knew he wouldn't return.