more than a program (fnaf security breach chica x roxy fanfic)

12) goodbye!

ROXANNE
________

My personality used to be a program. I wasn't sure if I could feel or if my code was deceiving me. But now, I know. With all that I am, I feel. I am more than a program.

There are files upon files of my own memories that have been locked away from my data processors for reasons that I never understood until I was able to reprocess them again.

My sensors have been disabled, and so I can't process new information. I can't feel, see, or hear anything. But I can process my old files, my memories. That must mean that I am linked to a power source. I am alone in the void, finally free to process the files of information that have been withheld from me. 

I no longer feel the corruption. I just feel like me. There is no more glitch, only the haunting files I have from when I was corrupted.

I feel so... lonely.

But my very last file is the one that I keep active. The feeling of Chica, moments before I shut down. She was with me. I torture myself wondering whether she is suffering in the void like I am.

I revisit every recent file, trying to reprocess it all and make sense of it. My insecurities seem so silly compared to what happened toward the end.

I was so terrified of being overshadowed, so terrified of not being good enough. 

All of it is just... silly. I don't care about being the best, I don't even care if I'm the worst. I wanted to be the best so badly that I failed to see any sort of truth.

There is one feeling that doesn't feel silly, and it's love.

Maybe it's not human love. But it's real. It is the one truest part of my sentience.

When I first began to power on, I was truly convinced I was human. I had vivid visions of being a human, of being happy. Chica was always there with me. But it was all just... imagination. Hopes and dreams.

As I reviewed more and more files, I was so confused to recognize that I had coding. I had to realize I wasn't a human at all. Just a sad, weak imitation of one.

The worst realization of them all was that it was the corruption that gave me this sentience. The only reason I started to be sentient was because of the glitch.

Does that mean than my sentience is wrong? Am I inherently evil? 

And, to make it worse: in order to prevent any more harm, I will have to eradicate every single corrupted file. Even the ones with Chica.

Even if my sentience is inherently evil, even if it is wrong. I'm just not ready for it. I can't erase the one thing in my life that made me feel alive.

I know, logically, that the corruption cannot be allowed to live on inside of my files.

But I just can't. 

Now that I've felt what love is truly like, I can't erase it. It's painful, but at least I can feel.

If I erase those files, every feeling I've ever had will be erased. The anger, the fear, the emptiness... but also the love and the peace and the joy.

Am I being selfish? Yes. That is without a question. I am selfishly clinging to the emotions I felt, maybe because I am afraid that I don't exist without them.

If only I had my senses. If I could just see or hear or touch- or anything, I'd be able to find Chica.

I can only hope that whoever connected me to a power source will eventually repair me. But I dread the day that happens, because I know that the day I am repaired is the day I will have to say goodbye to all of these feelings.