Once Upon a December

04

SPACE - BENATAR

The Guardians of the Galaxy were traveling to investigate a distress call to the tune of Rubberband Man.

Peter, chair-dancing to the song, yelled, "Sing it, Drax!"

Drax was snoring with his mouth open from his seat in front of Quill. Gamora lip-synced to the song with Quill.

Rocket yawned and asked, "Why are we doing this again?"

Gamora, annoyed, said, "It's a distress signal, Rocket. Someone could be dying."

"I get that, but why are we doing it?"

"'Cause we're nice," Quill replied. "And maybe whoever it is will give us a little cheddar cheese," he rubbed his thumb against his other fingers, "for our help."

Gamora waved her index finger at Quill. "Which isn't the point."

Quill pointed back at Gamora. "Which isn't the point... I mean... if he doesn't pony up..."

"We'll take his ship," Drax said.

"Exactly!" Rocket agreed.

"B-b-b-bingo!" Quill cried.

Gamora looked at Quill in concern. Quill returned her look and grimaced a 'don't worry about it' expression towards her.

Mantis read her console and said, "We are arriving."

"All right, Guardians," Quill stated. "Don't forget, this might be dangerous, so let's put on our mean faces." Groot rolled his eyes as Mantis snarled. Groot's handheld Terran-vintage video game beeped. "Groot, put that thing away. Now, I don't wanna tell you again." The game continued beeping. "Groot."

In a mocking tone, Groot retorted, "I am Groot!"

(Shut up, bitch!)

"Whoa!"

"Language!" Rocket yelled.

"Hey!" Gamora cried.

"Wow," Drax muttered.

"You got some acorns on you, kid," Quill said.

"Ever since you got a little sap, you're a total d-hole," Rocket told him. "Keep it up, and I'm gonna smash that thing to pieces!"

Groot rolled his eyes.

The Benatar decelerated and Thanos' devastation suddenly covered the Guardians' field of view, revealing the distress signal to be the one from the Asgardian vessel. Bodies were floating dead in space along with the pieces of the shredded ship.

"What happened?" Mantis wondered.

"Looks like we're not getting paid," Rocket commented.

With a thump, Thor's body plastered to the hull of the ship.

Rocket waved his hands and cried, "Wipers! Wipers! Get it off!"

Thor's eyes opened and everyone gasped.

The Guardians got Thor onto an examination table.

"How the hell is this dude still alive?" Quill asked.

Drax, in an awed tone, said, "He is not a dude. You're a dude. This... This is a man. A handsome, muscular man."

Quill spoke in a slightly dented tone. "I'm muscular."

"Who are you kidding, Quill? You're one sandwich away from fat," Rocket shot back.

"Yeah, right."

"It's true," Drax agreed. "You have gained a little weight..." He motioned to his chin and belly.