Discovery

75.

*author's note— TW: disordered eating, depression, and anxiety discussed in this chapter. read at your own discretion*

***

I was the last one out of the dormitory the next morning. I slept through breakfast, but I didn't feel like eating anyway.

As I got ready for classes, I noticed how pale I looked in the mirror— thinner, too. My eating habits hadn't been the best lately, and I would only eat when Fred nagged me about it.

"Ella," he would say as he stroked my hair, "you need to eat. Please, even just a few bites."

Fred always seemed to persuade me. But he wasn't here now.

So I skipped breakfast.

***

After breakfast, Professor McGonagall requested to see me in her office. I took my time arriving, because I knew whatever she had to say wouldn't be good.

"Miss Hart," she said, motioning for me to sit down across from her, "It's good to have you back at Hogwarts."

I nodded.

If only she knew how unhappy I was to be here.

"Now, as you know, at the end of your fifth year you were supposed to select the N.E.W.T. classes you would like to continue. However, because of your...circumstances...you were unable to do so. I have your O.W.L.s here, so you can select your classes now."

I felt my chest tighten. How was I supposed to know what classes I should take?

"Last year I believed we discussed the path of a Healer, is that right?" McGonagall asked.

I nodded.

"The N.E.W.T.s requirements for a Healer are an 'Exceeds Expectations' or 'Outstanding' in Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I believe you aquired an 'Exceeds Expectations' in all of the above..." McGonagall glanced at her parchment carefully. "Except for Potions."

"What does that mean? I can't be a Healer?" I felt my heart beginning to race.

"Professor Slughorn is only taking O.W.L. students with 'Exceeds Expectations'."

I can't believe it. This can't be happening...

I had my mind set on being a Healer. Without warning, my plan for the future was yanked out from under me. I didn't know what to do.

"I'll put you down for the other courses, as well as Muggle Studies. We can discuss your potential career paths at a later date."

I felt like a ghost as I left McGonagall's office. Everything was changing, and I didn't like it.

I just want to go home...

***

Sixth year was going to be anything but relaxing. In the few weeks of classes, I was struggling to complete all of my assignments on time.

It didn't help that I worked alone. Hermione invited me to study with her and the boys, but I always declined. I felt out of place among them, especially when Harry started meeting with Dumbledore.