Late Thoughts For Her

Why am I like that?

I wish I'm better than myself now just for her to be happier and would never get upset to the things I will do.

I wish I wasn't a person who was born with high sexual-drive so I can be a comfortable person around her. I want to be her comfort space. I want her to think I'm a person who can always rely on. Not the person who always look to through body always. I hatw myself for that. I wish I would just erase my dirty-minded bullshit in my brain like a gunshot.

I wish to be a different person that she would like. Not me who is just some dork who jerks off like a dumbass horny pig. I want to be her sweet and charming boyfriend. I boyfriend who shows actual love not some dumbass horniness.

If she reads, she will always remember that I really love her that my life actually depends on to protect her life. The love for her is absolute infinity and it's just unexplainable. I just love her so much.

So, why am I always such a dork?
Why am I always have the audacity to just asking horny stuff from her?
Why can't I just be normal?
Why am I always crave for touch?