Macdonald Hall #6: Lights, Camera, Disaster!

The Tap-dancing Garbage Picker

Wilbur Hackenschleimer, amateur weight lifter, gourmet, and Macdonald Hall's largest student, was also on garbage detail. Wilbur was there when Bruno arrived at the caretaker's office to pick up his pointed stick and trash bag.

"Yeah, it was a food rap," Wilbur was saying as the two took to the campus. "The Fish didn't mind me having the toaster oven and the microwave, but he got kind of steamed about the indoor barbecue with rotating spit. He said it violated the dorm fire code."

"Picky, picky," said Bruno sympathetically. "Well, I'm here for exhibiting the kind of creative thought that made this country great. "

"Yeah, I heard," said Wilbur. "You snuck into the movie, eh?"

"What movie?" snarled Bruno. "All I see is a conceited snot-nose walking back and forth. Not my idea of an action flick."

"They gave us copies of the shooting script," Wilbur pointed out. "Didn't you read it?"

"I tried to," said Bruno. "It didn't make any sense. It was all about this kid Steve. I mean, who's Steve?"

"Steves the main character," Wilbur explained patiently. "Jordie Jones plays Steve. His folks send him to Georgetown Academy, and he really hates it — "

"Okay. I got that far," Bruno interrupted. "But then the guy starts flushing all this weird stuff down the toilet, like socks, baseball cards, flowers, a grapefruit — "

"He's trying to mess up the school's plumbing so they'll have to send everybody home."

"That's stupid!" Bruno exploded. "Does The Fish close up Macdonald Hall every time one of the guys clogs up his can? We'd never get to class."

"Yeah, but Steve's going for a total block-up. Only, he forgets about it, and starts trying to escape from school. But the teachers always catch him." Wilbur's eyes gleamed. "Here's the best part—meanwhile, the grapefruit has completely jammed up the main sewer pipe."

"Leave it to Cutesy Newbar to co-star with a grapefruit," muttered Bruno in disgust. "I wonder who gets top billing. I vote for the grapefruit."

"The pipe breaks, but they fix it wrong," Wilbur continued, warming to the Academy Blues story. "Natural gas leaks into the plumbing and, right at the end of the movie, the whole Faculty Building explodes."

Bruno stared at him. "They're going to blow up the Faculty Building?"

The big boy shrugged. "I think they're using a model."

"Too bad," said Bruno airily. "Actually, the thing that really bugs me is that all of Scrimmage's has gone totally ga-ga over that bonehead Cutesy Newbar, the Rear Admiral."

"He doesn't seem like that bad a guy to me," said Wilbur. "In the interviews I've seen, he wasn't conceited at all."

Bruno made a face. "Just remember that while you ate slop in the dining hall last night, he got into a limo and was whisked off to Toronto for the best meal in town."

"That snob!" said Wilbur angrily. "He could have at least brought us a doggie bag!" He stopped and speared a gum wrapper. "I suppose this is as good a place as any."

"Says you," said Bruno. "I've got a gut feeling that they really need a cleanup over on the east lawn."

***

The largest of the film company's trailers was the portable screening room, outfitted like a miniature theater. Director Dinkman, his cameramen and cinematographer, star Jordie Jones and his personal manager, Goose Golden, were scattered among the trailer's thirty seats, watching the day's footage on a large screen.