The Lovers Connection: Volume 1

Chapter 19

Jessies POV:

I brought him to my car after that whole wreck. I told him I was gonna patch him up so we just held each other and walked over to my car. We both got in the back of the car and I laid him up against the seat while I grabbed the medkit in the front glove box. I immediately started trying to clean his face. His eyes were closed and only small whines can be heard and tears come from his face. I couldn’t think at all about him. I destroyed my poor love. He’ll never love me, he’ll never want me, he’ll never like me again, he’ll never trust me again... As I got to finishing up, I moved the cloth I had out of the way to look at Riley. I was just cleaning his face with some rubbing alcohol. He was so broken. So destroyed. I didn’t even know why he wanted to stay with me anymore. ‘There.” I said, trying my hardest to sound calming, “Back to your sweet self.” He carefully opened his eyes, looked at me, and then back down. I was still cupping his sweet cheek while his ears were flat down on top of it. He moved his right hand and held my left hand. I held back. He didn’t speak. He just sat there, silent. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I just looked into his sad eyes. Then, maybe after a minute of just sitting there, he finally lifted his other hand up and took my hand cupping his cheek and held it. He pulled it down and then just hugged me. Like he cuddled up with me and just held me. I didn’t know how to react at first. I was confusion. I just slowly hugged him back. I moved, kinda to just lean up against the door and sat there with him in my arms. I didn’t know why he even wanted to be near me anymore. I had to ask, “Why are you forgiving me?” He didn’t respond. “You had every single right to hate me and run away. And I would’ve deserved all of it. Why didn’t you?” He didn’t respond for a moment, “Because I remembered what Jules and Fritz said.” He told me. I was confused, but he continued, “Fritz told me he trusts you, Jules told me trusts you, so I trust you. Yea, you f’ed up but... You didn’t mean to. I remembered what they said to me and then remembered what you said. Yea, maybe you weren’t there when that situation happened to Jules and Fritz, but you made up for it. Fritz told me you helped him with his emotional problem and just talked with him. Fritz said you promised to fix things and help him. Fritz told my you took care of him and helped him. Jules told me you were worried about us and you care so much about me and Fritz and him. They both know you’re a kind person. They both know you care about people. They told me that on the inside, you’re a sweet-hearted person and you’d never want to hurt me or anyone. And even if you did, I know you never meant it. I know you were just mad and couldn’t help yourself. Jules told me about your switches and I now complete understand. And I was just too angry. I yelled at you, blamed you, called you names, and hurt you. I wasn’t thinking. I should’ve just talked to you. You tried to protect me and I understand that completely now. And I forgive you.” He told me with his broken voice. I had no words. I just sat back and pet him. I didn’t know Jules and Fritz viewed me like that. That made me tear up again. I just held my angle closer to me. I love you, my sweet bunny. “You shouldn’t forgive me, though. I was terrible. Even if they said I ain’t. I still hurt you and now you have a scar on your face because of me. It’s all my fault you’re broken like this.” I said with a slightly broken voice. “Jessie.” He said, “You can blame yourself all you want for that, but in reality, other than my scar, you were trying to protect me. And I don’t blame you at all for that. You wanted the others to apologize to me and stop bullying me.” He told me. I couldn’t think of how to respond to that. I just laid my head back on top of his and let myself slowly sob again. “I’m so sorry, Riley...” “It’s ok, Jessie. It’s ok... Don’t cry... Please...” He begged me. I tried to calm myself down, but I couldn’t. I was so broken. I’ve never really... Cried like this before. I’ve never hurt someone like this and I could only feel terrible for him. I finally calmed myself down and just closed my eyes and held him. After maybe a minute, he spoke. “So what now?” He asked me. “I... I don’t know...” I told him. “We could... go back to the game.” He told me. “N-no. No. I don’t want to go back there.” I told him. “But you paid a lot for those tickets.-” “But I don’t want to be somewhere where those fucking gators are. And I want to just be with you. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.” I told him. He remained silent for a moment. “Ok. Just you and I.” He repeated me. Technically. “We could... Swing by somewhere and get food if you want.” He sparked an idea. I liked it. “Yea. Yea, sure. Anywhere specific?” I asked. “Hm... Whatever is near, I guess. But um... Could we... Stay like this for a little longer?” He asked me. I cracked a small smile. “Of course.” I said. I pulled him up, held him close, and shut my eyes. My mind slowly started to come back and I could think again. Every single emotion and feeling was racing through my mind at once. But then it all stopped. I just thought of my sweet Riley. My sweet little bunny boy. Not him being hurt or yelling at me. I thought of him telling me it’s ok. I took that to heart. It felt like forever we’ve been cuddling together. I never released him, nor did he. I loved the hug. I loved it so much. But I had a thought. And I had to ask, “What are Jules and Fritz gonna think about this?” I asked him and myself. He nervously chuckled, “About that...” He started, “I texted Fritz and Jules.” My heart skipped a beat. “O-Oh...” I said, scared. “I didn’t... I didn’t mention that you hurt me... I just said something bad happened. Then you showed up again before I could read their texts.” “Oh...” “I told them I would text them if something bad happened and... well...” “Oh... That’s ok. I would rather them know now than when they see your... Scars.” I said, growing sad again. He thought for a moment and then sat up, releasing me as I released him. “But, hey. At least I have a badass scar now.” He said. I chuckled and he did too. “Well, I owe you a big one for that.” I said. “Eh. I don’t know. That hug kinda did it for me.” He said. That made me slightly blush. “But you still owe me something else.” He said. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Well, I’m willing to do anything to make it up to you.” He smiled. “Well, let’s just go get something to eat for now.” He said with a smile. God, it made me so happy to see his smile. “Alright. Then let’s get goin then.” I told him as I adjusted myself and then slipped between the seats to get in the front seat. He did too to get in the passenger. He hugged himself and now there was a clear light shining through the window for me to be able to see him. Those scars brightened on his face now. They weren’t huge but deep enough cuts to tell someone I hurt him. His tears were dried on his face and his eyes glowed in the night. Beautiful like red roses. I blushed, looking at him. He’s ok now. Everything’s ok if you don’t fuck up the rest of the night. I started the car and drove to the nearest fast-food restaurant I could find. I turned on the radio and it blared terrible ass music. I turned it off immediately and sighed. I still haven’t made any music playlists yet. So I asked Riley, “Hey, um... You got any chill playlists you could play?” I asked him. “Um... kinda yea. It depends if you’d like it, though.” He said as he connected to the Bluetooth. Then, after maybe a minute, some music started to play. I liked it. He’s got a good taste. I like that. I continued the drive with him in silence. The only times he would do something is when he would hum sweetly to the music that played. I didn’t notice before, but he was now hugging his knees on the chair and facing me. His head was down and his sweet eyes looked ever so tired. And so was I. We cuddled for a pretty long time. I honestly could’ve just passed out in his arms. Then he suddenly spoke, “Jessie?” He asked. I hummed in a sad response. “Do you... Do you think the others are gonna blame you?” He asked me. My heart skipped a beat. “They have every right to...” I replied. “But... What if I tell them what really happened? What if we do it together? I know they’ll still think you messed up... But I don’t want them to feel different about you because of your... accident.” He told me. I sighed. “I dont know...” It was about to go quiet again but I didn’t want that. “Why do you still want to be around me?” I asked him. He took a moment to respond, “Cause you’re still a sweet person. Even if you mess up sometimes, you are still amazing. And I also don’t want you to go home and blame yourself.” He told me. I took a deep breath and sighed. “You shouldn’t care about me.” I said, still hating on myself. “Jessie, you messed up and it hurt me. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna hate you. Even if I was mad at you and told you so many mean things. I was just upset then.” He repeated from earlier. I still sighed and didn’t want to believe it. I’m terrible and I shouldn’t be forgiven. We pulled up to some fast-food restaurant and I ordered our food for take out, got it, and then I just parked in the parking lot. I gave Riley his food and I took mine. “Jessie?” Riley asked before I started to eat my burger.” “Are you... Are you bipolar?” He asked me. “No. I’m not.” I replied, understanding why he asked that question. “Oh.” He replied. I had to say something, “I think... I think it’s just an emotional thing for me. I’m not bipolar. And if I was, I don’t think I would be as nice as I am now. I’ve never... had a trigger like that towards someone that I cared about. I never thought I would either. The only times I would get completely pissed is if someone was hurting someone I cared about. I guess I hurt you in fear of myself.” I told him, hoping he’d understand what I meant. “Are you insecure about yourself?” He asked me. I didn’t respond. I think he knew the answer. Riley sighed, “Jessie...” He started. I had to talk about it. I felt broken again, thinking about myself. “I just... I hate who I am, Riley. I hate that I’m a gator, I hate that I’m popular, I hate that I can’t help myself. I hate everything about myself. I’ve tried to be someone different, Riley. For so long. I don’t want to turn into an asshole. I want to be that happy, funny gator guy that isn’t feared as a threat. All I want is to make people happy about themselves. But I can’t even work with myself to get anywhere close to that... I just hate me. I hate myself so much, Riley...” I leaned upon the steering wheel when I told him all of this. “Jessie...” Riley started. Then I felt his hand, cup underneath mine to face him. He looked into my eyes and I looked into his. I never lashed out on myself like that to anyone. Not even Jules. With his other hand, he brushed my cheek and whipped away a tear I didn’t know about. I was tearing up after barking about myself. “Don’t cry, ok? I hate it when you cry.” He begged me as he cleaned my face. I stayed strong for him and held back the rest of my pain. “I know how you feel, and I know it’s very tough to try to overcome that, but we can fix that together, ok? I want to push what happened with you and me behind us and fix this. Fix you. Ok?” He said. I had no words. I couldn’t understand why he still wanted to deal with me. It made no sense. “Ok...” I responded. That made him smile. A lovely smile. I smiled back. He released me and sat back in his seat. I did so too. We both ate our food while just listening to the chill music in the car. He finished his meal first. I was still slowly finishing up mine. I just had this little happy emotion in me that I couldn’t even enjoy my food. He sat back and just closed his eyes. He didn’t go to sleep, he was just vibing to the music. Then I finally finished my food and set everything aside. I looked up at him to see him looking down. “Riley?” I asked him, worried. “Hm? Sorry, I’m just really sleepy. Heh.” He said. “It’s ok. I was just worried.” I told him. “Do you... wanna go home? I don’t want you to feel sleepy all night.” I told him. “Um... My dad’s probably gonna be there. It’s pretty late now.” He said. I pulled out my phone to look at the time. 10 pm. “Yea. He probably is.” I said. He thought for a moment. “We could just wait till midnight before you drop me off there. He’ll be slumped by then.” “But are you sure you wanna go there? I mean, you can... stay with me for the night.” I asked him. Dumb response, Jessie. “I wish I could. But if he wakes up in the morning and doesn’t see me in the house, he’ll wanna kill me. As much as he already does.” He told me. That broke me. “Oh... ok.” I said. It was silent again for a moment. I tried to think of something but couldn’t. I can’t really try to lighten the mood at all. “Jessie?” He asked me. I hummed in response. “What do you like to do? Like, hobbies wise.” He asked me, “Might as well try to lighten the mood.” “Oh... Eh, not much. Video games, travelling, anything really to keep my mind goin. What about you?” I asked him. “Drawing, playing music, writing, whatever it takes to distract my mind.” He answered too. “You draw?” I asked him. “Have been for a couple of years. Mainly draw backgrounds then characters though. Not the best with drawing hands and whatnot.” He told me. “Why’s drawing hands so hard? It doesn’t sound hard.” I said. He smirked. Then, he sat up. “You have a piece of paper and pen?” He asked me. I huffed. He’s gonna show off. “In the glove box.” He opened it and pulled out a notebook and pen. As he was doing so, I hopped in the back so we could sit closer to each other. He hopped in the back next to me. There was enough light from the outside of the car that shined enough light onto the inside so we didn’t need to turn on anything. Riley seemed slightly happier now. That’s nice. He still had a pretty low and sad voice though. “If you think it’s so easy, then why don’t you show me how to do it?” He asked me, holding out the pen and notebook to me. I took both of them and looked at the notebook. Then I got a funny idea. I sat the notebook down on my lap and placed my left freehand down on it and started to trace my hand. He laughed. “That’s not how it works.” He said. I laughed too. “You said ‘make a hand’ not ‘don’t trace your hand.’“ We both laughed together now. “Ok, ya loser. You win that one.” He said. I still giggled. “Ok, different challenge, because you cheated with that one.” He started. I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Ok, whatcha got.” I said, ready for his challenge. “Draw a portrait of me.” He said. I huffed. “I could do that easy pessy.” I lied. “Uhu.” He hummed. I just chuckled. I looked at his face and tried to draw it. So what I’ve seen from artists on shows or YouTube or whatever, you start with a circle and then you draw two more circles for eyes. Kinda. Then facial features. I looked back up at him and then back down at the notebook. I’ll just draw some fluffy fur on the sides of his cheeks. Um. I’ll just do weird zig-zag things. He’ll tell what they are. Then hair. Puffy hair. So... more zig-zag things, but more fancy looking. Then a big dot for the nose and then bunny ears and boom. “Done.” I proudly said. I flipped it around to show him, and he took it and giggled. “Wow, it’s perfectly identical.” He joked, holding it up to his face to show me. I laughed, “You’re just jealous that I’m the better artist.” I said all fancy like. He giggled and looked at it again. “Eh, you missed something.” He said, handing it back to me. I was confused and then looked back up at him. Then I realized and groaned at my failure. I drew four lines across his face and then on the side I wrote “Jessie damage” with and arrow pointing at the scars. Then I held it back to him. “Ah, perfect. Now I can hang it up on my fridge.” He joked. I laughed and he giggled and then flipped the page. “Now, it’s my turn.” He said. I rolled my eyes with a smirk and then adjusted myself for him to draw me. “Make sure to get my good side.” I joked, making him giggled. Riley started to draw and after maybe a minute of sitting there, he finished. “There, here’s your portrait.” He held it out to me and I took it and holy shit did it look amazing. It looked so real. Like he took a photo of me with his pen and printed it. I mean, it still had sketch lines and whatever artist things are. It was just my face and a little bit of the shoulders of my hoodie. He even drew my hair perfect. I huffed in surprise. “How the hell did you do this? It looks amazing.” I told him. He nervously chuckled, “Really? I’m not the best at drawing faces, so I’m kinda shocked that you like it.” He said. It warmed my heart. It looked beautiful. But before I could blush, I made a little joke, “I still think I’m the better artist.” That made him giggle and I giggled too. “Alright, alright. What are you good at then mister artist?” He joked. “Well, looks like we’re playing a mobile game then.” I said. He rolled his eyes and smiled. I took his phone and downloaded a game on it that we could play together. Of course, I’m already a god at it. Just like him and his art. We both logged on it and started playing 1v1s together. Me vs Riley. Of course I beat him a couple times, but he would kick my ass too. So our chats would go from him saying, “Thats no fair, your more experienced you cheater,” then to “You just got your ass kicked by a newbie~ nerd.” I would just laugh and giggle and bump him with my shoulder to make him laugh. God, I fucking love this kid. Later on, we started to play 2v2s with random’s and we kicked ass every time with a score of five points higher than the enemy team every time. We’d say, “Best duo ever!” or I’d say, “Holy shit you’re godly! how’d you make that shot!?” It was so much fun. We had a blast. We even leaned up against eachother like we cuddling and playing at the same time. I love him so much. As much fun as we were having, sadly, his phone finally died. “Well shit.” Riley said. I noticed and grew sad. “Fuck. And we were having so much fun too.” I said. He chucked, “Kicking ass and taking dubs.” He said. I laughed and he laughed too. We were still leaned up against eachother. He was more tucked down up against my neck though because the rest of his body was laid down on the seat. “Anyway, what time is it?” He asked me. I scrolled around on my phone and saw that it was past midnight. “Heh. We’ve been having too much fun I guess.” I told him. He chuckled. “Yea. I guess we have.” He said. We didn’t move for a moment. Riley’s music stopped because his phone died, so there was just silence. “Jessie?” Riley asked me. “Hm?” I hummed back. “I just... I just want you to know that... I... I...” He struggled with his sentence. I just listened. He then sighed and finished his sentence. “Whatever happened between you and me tonight, I just want you to know that it changed nothing about my view of you. At all.” He started. I was sorta confused. He continued, “You’re still my friend and I care about you. Even if you hurt me, that doesn’t matter. Your still my gator.” He finished. That warmed my heart. I blushed and smiled. He was still leaned up against me so clearly he couldn’t see me. “Thank you, Riley. That means a lot to me.” I told him. We sat like that for awhile. I don’t think he wanted to move. “I... I dont know if I want to go home.” Riley suddenly said. “Like... I know my dad will beat me again if I don’t but... I dont wanna go back there.” He told me. “I know how you feel. And I completely understand. Shits tough. But hey, you know if anything bad happens, I will get in my car and fly down there to rescue you”. I told him. He sighed, “Thats the thing I’m worried about.” He said. He stopped for a second. “Sometimes I wish I died in that crash. And not her” He said. That hurt me. “Riley... Don’t say that.” I told him, slightly moving him back to face him as he sat up. “Your mom’s happy your still here. And I know that she wouldn’t blame you because of the accident.” I told him. He took a minute to take that in. “I just wish it never happened. I wish I was a normal kid again. Happy and joyful. I want that life back so bad.” He said, still remaining to look down. I knew exactly how to respond to that. “But I love that your not normal. It makes you amazing and unique. Just like Fritz and Jules. All three of you are different and that’s why your my friends. Your not dicks or annoying or anywhere close to like me. And I love that about you.” I said. The last sentence made me madly blush. He just smiled and looked at me. “Thanks Jessie.” He said. I returned the smile. “Could you drive me home?” He asked me. I just nodded. We both got back in the front seat and I started the car. “But before we go.” I told him, “I wanna grab a dough nut. I said, looking across the street to see a dough nut shop. He giggled. “Surprise me with one too then.” He said. I chuckled and we drove over there. A couple minutes passed and we got a couple of dough nuts for ourselves and then I drove Riley home. He told me the address so it was no biggie. We pulled up to the front of his house and he looked in the driveway. A car was there. “He’s home.” He announced to me. He took a deep breathe and then slowly turned back to looking at the ground. “Hey.” I asked for his attention. He slowly looked up at me. “Just go inside and go straight to your room, ok? And if anything bad happens, I’ll be right here for you to run out and hop back in. Ok? And as soon as you get in, we’re dipping this hell hole.” I told him, placing my hand on top of his. He looked down at our hands and slowly grabbed mine back. He just held our hands together. No movement or words. He just stared at our hands. Then finally, he let go of me and quickly hugged me. It shocked me for a moment but then I hugged him back. “Your a great person, Jessie. And no matter what I said tonight, I never ment a single word. I was just... upset. Keep your hopes up about yourself, ok? For me. Your an amazing gator.” He told me. “As long as you continue your amazing art, then I’ll stay as an amazing gator.” I joked. He giggled and I chuckled. Then he slowly released me. “I’ll text you as soon as I get inside and I’m ok.” He said. I nodded. “I’m sorry about tonight, Riley.” I apologized, one last time. He stayed looking down and then back up at me. “I forgive you. You know I do.” He said. Then he opened his door and hopped out of the car. “I’ll um... I’ll see you later.” He said. “Bye bunny.” I said back. He then closed the door and walked over towards his house. I just leaned back in my chair and sighed, covering my face with my hands. Then about five minutes later, he texted me.

Riley: Sorry, I had to plug my phone in. He’s asleep so I went to my room. I’m just gonna stay in here for the rest of the weekend.

Jessie: Ok... Just call me if you need me, ok? Please.

Riley: I will. And... Thank you.

Jessie: for what?

Riley: For trying to look after me. I understand why you told them and I forgive you. You cared about me and that was sweet of you. Thank you.

Jessie: Of course. You matter a lot to me Riley. Take care of yourself this weekend, ok? Please be safe 

Riley: I will. Thank you Jessie.

I sat my phone down and placed my hands over my face once again. I was crying. Why do I have to fuck everything up?

Rileys POV:

I love that gator so fucking much. I know he hurt me, but fuck that. That wasn’t him. I realised now that he’s broken as much as Fritz and I ever were. I don’t care if he scratched my face. I’ll always love Jessie till the end of time. I was in my room. My dad passed out on the couch, so I was safe. I pulled out my phone and saw the group chat with Jules, Fritz, Jessie and I. I was scared to view it. But I did.

Jules: Jessie! What happened! I need to know right now if you are both safe. I knew something bad was gonna happen tonight. I knew it!

Fritz: Riley, please text back...

I looked at it and sighed. I left my angels worried. I added them to our own group chat without Jessie and texted them.

Riley: I’m ok. I’m ok. Those gators just... pushed me around. I told Jessie a secret and he told them to try to protect me. After it failed, it broke him. Jessie didn’t mean to do anything wrong, so please don’t yell at him...

I just ended my text and sat my phone aside. I held one of my pillows up close to my chest and cried. I was so lost with my feelings. My mind wanted me to tell Jessie to fuck off and off himself but my heart told me he loved me and just wanted to protect me. I love that gator... with all my heart.