kitkat's ★ vance hopper

[07] 15.10.79

15TH OCTOBER, 1979.

17:02, CAROLINE'S HOUSE.

VANCE AND CAROLINE HAVE THEIR FIRST ARGUEMENT.

It had come to another study session between Vance and Caroline. The past while had become more and more tense with the growing knowledge of the test tomorrow. Neither could bare the work at this point. Vance didn't see the point of keeping on working, be was going to pass the test anyways even if it was just barely. Caroline was desparate for Vance to realise that he was smart, and he could do it. Yet he just refused to see he was more than his fists.

"I don't see why we need to continue, we've been over this like ten times."

"And yet you still don't know it well enough, c'mon Vance this is important."

"Yeah, important to your number one Mr Holl." He muttered, not pissed off at Caroline but pissed off at the fact he didn't get it.

"Don't say that Vance."

"Oh it's obvious you just want some fucking brownie points with him or something."

Caroline stayed quiet.

"Don't you think maybe he likes you too much?" It wasn't like that, Vance knew it wasn't like that. He was a sweet and lonely old man that Caroline didn't mind spending her last ten minutes of lunch with him to prepare practicals.

"Stop Vance. You're being mean." Vance ignored this, when had being mean ever affected his decision making before.

"Don't you see the way he looks at you?" He was jealous. Vance knew he was jealous. Vance knew he had no reason to be. Because Vance was smart, he wasn't stupid. But he was smart enough to know how to hurt someone's feelings without thinking.

"Vance."

"Stop trying so hard, Caroline."

"Oh fuck off, Vance. I try so hard to care about you, you're a person only parents could love." She knew he wasn't deliberately trying to hurt her feelings, he could just be like this. Caroline knew she tried hard. Trying was all she did. She wanted to hit a nerve. She wanted to hurt his feelings.

"Yeah you're trying so hard cause you feel some fucking need to be better than everyone else."

"Too fucking bad only one of your parents likes you." His dad. His dad would hurt is feelings.

"Shut up Caroline! You're gonna end up just like you're dumb fucking dad." Her dad. Her dad would hurt her feelings.

"Yeah and so are you, so get out Hopper! Good luck fucking failing."

"Good luck staring at yourself in the mirror. It's not gonna make you fucking love yourself." As Vance left her room, and then the house. Caroline broke down in sobs, they were loud and desparate for breath. Crying out as of she were dying and she wanted to someone to see. She needed someone to see her die.

Vance had become a place of comfort to her, she told him her deep insecurities on late evenings after tutoring. Secrets within Grab n' Go aisles late at night. Whispering her fears on late night phone calls. Vance knew she feared she'd be easily used by the teachers she idolised. Vance knew she tried desparately hard for people to like her, studying constantly to be good in school so she could feel like she was worth something. Worth anything. Vance knew she was scared she was just like her dad. That she wasn't right in the head, that she was gonna end up estranged from those she loved and in jail. Vance knew she didn't like how she looked. Vance knew how she'd stare at her body and face until it morphed intos something unrecognisable to her. Vance knew.

He knew.

And yet Caroline didn't blame him. Caroline knew that Vance knew all of this because he was a good person. Vance knew where it would hit hardest because Vance listened to every word she said and remembered it. She knew he didn't listen to use it against her, he listened because deep down he was kind. He did it for her. Not for himself. Vance wasn't using it against her on purpose, he was doing it simply because they were not the same.

Vance didn't need some academic validation to feel he was worthy of existence. Not like Caroline did. He was only at these study sessions because he liked Caroline, so when they became gruelimg hours of things he didn't understand. He didn't want to become her. Caroline knew she was forcing her own insecuriin the boy, and it wasn't worth it. They were just different people. This work would anger Vance in himself, not make him feel better. Caroline thought it was her fault.

She didn't blame Vance at all.

Out of all the things that hurt her in the short argument, the one that made her cry the most was possibly the least hurtful to anyone else.

'shut up caroline.'

Caroline.

Vance had never once called her Caroline.

It was always KitKat.