Band Imagines! (Book 2)

Alex Gaskarth Imagine: father/daughter

**Warning!! Self harm and suicidal thoughts!**

Apparently it takes 40 seconds to kill yourself. But what if I wanted to torture myself? I deserve the pain and the slow death it will result in. I deserve every single cut I inflict upon myself and every single pill I pop into my mouth.

Every breath that gets caught in my throat as the rope wraps around my neck. I deserve it all.

I watch the droplets of water that spill down my window as the night sky lets soft rain fall from the clouds. I watch the birds fly across the darkened sky and off to find shelter. I wish I were that free.

Dad was out with his girlfriend Lisa, so right now I am left alone to the violent thoughts that circle my mind. I grit my teeth and raise my hands up towards my head to tug at the tangled mess of hair. I cry and cry until there is no liquid left behind my eyes to spill down my cheeks. Until the tear stains dry and my eyes grow swollen and I grow emotionless.

Ever-so slowly, I rise from my bed and into the bathroom. Resting the letter I wrote and re-wrote a thousand times on to my pillow. Dad will be happy, he'll marry Lisa and they will have children, beautiful children. Much more beautiful than me.

It seems as though the pitter patter of the rain against my window is muted, cars zooming past come to a silence and I feel as though I'm already dead. I turn the knob of the cold water on so that the water starts to fill the bath tub. I don't bother to undress myself, knowing that my father would find me and I'd rather stay clothed then him finding me naked.

I step into the bath tub and don't even notice the freezing cold water that pricks my skin. I can't feel a damn thing.

I snatch the razor from the counter and stare at the silver metal. Running my finger along the edge of it softly. Then so very slowly, I drag it across my wrist. The pain was there, but it wasn't enough. So, I dig the razor a little deeper. The crimson red blood making it's appearance across my already damaged wrist.

I cry out as I think about every last comment people have made about me. At this point I would have preferred sticks and stones breaking my bones because whoever said words don't hurt are full of shit.

"Y/N?!" The voice of my dad startles me. "Honey, open the door!" he calls. I ignore him and create more wounds on myself and watch the drops of blood fall from my arm and into the water. I hear mumbled voices and realize that Lisa is here too.

"Y/N! Baby please let me in!" dad cries. "Alex break down the door!" Lisa yells. Then I hear the pounding of the door as a heavy object is rammed against it. My cries grow even louder, as the stinging really gets to me.

Then, the door bursts open. My dad and Lisa run in with tear stains down their faces. I lay in the bath, having no strength to move. Dad starts to cry as he leans in to lift me out of the tub. "Why Y/N? I love you too much to lose you" his voice is so broken. Lisa hands him a face washer and dad starts to wipe the blood away. Once that is finished, he wraps a bandage around my wrist. "L-Lisa can you please dress her?" he half-whispers. "Of course" Lisa says softly.

Dad carries me into my room and lays me on the bed. Lisa goes into my draws and picks out some pajama shorts and a baggy shirt then gets to work on changing me. "You're absolutely beautiful Y/N. You don't need to do this, Ale- Dad loves you, I love you, your mum will always love you. Don't lose hope" with that she kisses my head and walks out of the room.

Soon enough, dad walks into the room guitar in hand. He drags my desk chair up to the side of my bed. "Y/N, you are beautiful. You're mum used to always gush about how beautiful you were when you were a little girl. You know what her last words were? They were 'tell Y/N every day that she is beautiful, I love you both so much' mum wouldn't want you to join her so soon and neither would I. I love you so much sweet heart. Lisa loves you and all the fans love you too. You're my first daughter and I would miss you way too much."