From Innocent to Emo

Emo Buggs Bunny

DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story do NOT belong to me and are NOT, in any way, associated with me. They are from various books, movies, and TV shows that I am NOT, in any way, involved in. I repeat: THESE ARE NOT MY OWN CHARACTERS.

     Buggs Bunny went to the prison wearing his leather jacket, ready to bail Mickey Mouse out of jail.  Mickey had recently bee arrested for not being able to count to 2, not being able to recite the ABCs any further than D, smiling too much, and raping Sofia the First.  Buggs Bunny would've been arrested too, but he avoided that fate by learning how to properly play 4 piano keys before the cops came to collect him.  They were so proud of him for getting an F on the piano test that they let him go out of the goodness of their rectangular hearts.

     Buggs Bunny reached the metal detector thingydoohickey just fine, but then the security guards decided he was bad at pretending to be a cop.  They said his fake badge was a bit too accurate to be convincing.  As a reward for trying to break and enter and break some more and exit, Buggs Bunny got a free limited edition Menchie's coupon for one triple-scoop pineapple ice cream with caramel fudge, red and yellow bobas, chocolate rocks, extraordinarily disgusting and sour gummy worms, and grated moldy parmesan cheese on top in a plain cone with a used pink Menchie's spoon and rotten, half-eaten cherry straight out of the garbage can!  LUCKY HIM!

     But suddenly, just as Buggs Bunny was lifting the oversized green spoon to his lips, Old Grey Granny Rabbit arrived with red velvet sprinkle cookies with chocolate frosting that had all already been bitten into!  (YUM!)  Buggs Bunny started jumping up and down with glee, startling Old Grey Granny — so much that she accidentally dropped all the cookies into the trash can!  (OH NO!)

     Buggs Bunny was so shocked and devastated that he accidentally started using his Jazz Hands, totally forgetting about the ice cream in his hand!  The spoon's contents spilled into the cone, the cone tipped over in his hand... causing all the ice cream spilled on his foot!  There was a sickening crack, and Buggs Bunny started screaming in joy and agony as they all started playing Ring Around the Rosie to celebrate his newly broken foot!  That is, everyone except Old Grey Granny, who just shrugged and left to get vegetables to replace it.  (You can decide whether 'it' is the cookies, the ice cream, or his foot.)

     Buggs Bunny wailed about how he wanted his mommy and begged his worst enemy (Dora the Fucking Explorer) to help him, but all she did was look around for exactly 1 hour, 12 minutes and 49.6218231135 seconds before stupidly asking the nonexistent audience, "Where's the hospital? Let's take out the map!"  (As it turns out, the hospital was approximately 8 feet to her left.)

     Buggs Bunny's mommy, Mrs. Potts, "borrowed" a wheelchair from some unsuspecting old man (who looked like a bird, was studying a spoon, and may or may not have been Scuttle).  Then she wheeled Buggs Bunny into Disneyland, where she forced him to sit on a bench while he watched his other worst enemy, Dipper, eat churros and cotton candy and go on all his favorite rides.  He was so happy for his old foe, he even committed suicide to prank his baby sister, Ursula!

     The next day, Mickey Mouse was let out of jail, and he became Dipper's best friend.  And out of pure loyalty for his newly dead suicidal ex-friend, he even convinced everybody in the entire universe to skip Buggs Bunny's funeral!  Then Old Grey Granny Rabbit murdered all of them, and she lived grannyilly ever after.  The end!

Story by A.R.D.

Illustrations by N.G.C.