Why I killed myself

Mom

  I remember my whole childhood barley seeing her. I remember having lice forever and you never got rid of them. I remember being like 6 combing out and killing the lice myself but I wasn't good enough I could go at it for hours and get piles and piles on the comb they would be falling on my shirt and floor. No adults at school cared. It's like no one notices people who need help especially children. I remember you not caring about me being molested just about my virginity. I remember telling you to nicely at Walmart if you could take a step away from me because I was starting to feel claustrophobic and you slapped me in the middle of the store and called me a bitch and left me in the dust. I remember you saying I'm built like a tank that I'm bigger than you, you always would randomly bring in my weight. You judge me music. My hair. Tattoos. Piercings. My everything. Even my mom didn't love me for me. Who could? Who could If my mom didn't? A few days ago at 7am you flipped out on me cussing at me even tho you're such a devoted Christian woman, you told me to move out that morning over dishes. It's always dishes. I did them and then you guys made dinner that took up more dishes than I washed and I told you guys that was insane and so you said august will do them next. Next day. Devon can you do dishes? You said august would.. oh yeahhh. They never said anything to him. Two days later. I clean the whole house but the dishes because my friends are coming over. My dad. Why aren't the dishes done? Dad I cleaned the whole house even the bathroom and just did trash while you walked in. My friends are coming. Oh! You should do dishes before they come. What?? You said august would three days ago. Oh yeah tell him to then. I told him and no surprise he didn't. Later in the day dad tells august to do dishes and august started yelling about how it was too late and needed to sleep. It was 8pm. So my dad said In front of my mom, then do them tomorrow. Later later.. my dad does half the dishes. Next morning my mom does half of what was left and that's when she freaks out on me about them. So when I saw august that day I told him to do them and he was like I'm gonna go to the store and I said NO do the dishes and my dad was like yeah august do the dishes. August: what ones? Me: the dirty ones. August: where? Me: in the sink and the counter. My dad: august just clean the dirty dishes! My brother is fucking dumb... later that day my mom took me shopping.
      Everytime I try to talk to you, it's like I'm not even there... why do you hate me so much. You've told me to move out multiple times and august 0. He's 2 years older and cleans less than me. I don't care to win over affection and that's what makes me stand out to my parents. You're nosy and mean.. your words and advise are hurtful. I can't talk around you because you hear what you want to hear just to turn on me.